


Happy Thoughts

by Zombielabs



Series: Happy Thoughts [1]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insanity, Loneliness, Multiple Personalities, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-16 03:45:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 27,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14803748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zombielabs/pseuds/Zombielabs
Summary: What if in Doki Doki Literature Club, the girls have no problems in their lives, but it was MC instead?Kyle is always been alone. His depression has caused him great grief and suffering. It even spawned him his dark personality called Sebastian. Every day, he dies down more and more. Kyle is sure to be willing to die at any moment.One day, Kyle is greeted by his childhood friend, Sayori and is convinced to join her club. He realizes that when he gets there, he finds something he has never felt before: Love.





	1. Why Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will finish Club of Love soon. I just wanted to start up this story first. It's going to have some pretty dark moments. After all, this story is not for the faint of heart

I wake up in bed, feeling nothing as usual. Of course I wouldn't feel anything. I make myself suffer all the time. All I do is constantly make the wrong choices, day in, day out. The human brain has a way of making the soul suffer.

God, I'm so hungry but I don't even have the strength to eat. No wonder why I'm so skinny. I can't believe that I let myself get this way. Skinny, messed up brown hair, no will to live. The only thing normal about me are my blue eyes.

"Why me?" I ask myself has I make my way to my bathroom. "Why do I deserve this?"

"Because your weak Kyle!" Its this thing again. My dark persona called Sebastian. I only see it in my reflection and hear it in my head. It looks like me, but with crimson red eyes and a overall sense of evil. "Don't you ever just give up?"

"Don't you ever just get out of my head? After all, your not real, so leave me alone!" I demand it. It laughs in response.

"I may not be real, but as far as your concerned, I live on. I will just keep on being here to haunt you." He said with a sinister tone.

It's always like this. No matter what, I just have to deal with him. It's just another day. I put on my outfit and walk outside.

"Heyyyyyy!!!!!!!! I hear a familiar voice call out to me. It's my childhood friend, Sayori. The only way to describe her is "a bundle of sunshine." I don't know why she decides fo hang around such a burden like me. Maybe because no one knows my pain. I always have a cheery attitude. Such a fucking facade I have.

She runs up to me, smiling at me. "I caught you! You got up really late again." That's right. I have been oversleeping because I can't get Sebastian out of my fucking head.

"Well you did too if your out here with me." I chuckle at her with a teasing tone. "So how has it been for you lately?"

"Great. Even more great since you decided to check out the club I'm in." She said. I don't ever remember me saying I was going to check out any club.

"Did I? My memory has been hazy lately." I explain. She beams at me.

"Yeah, you told me yesterday via text." She showed me the text messages where I said I would.

_What a fucking idiot I am. Can't even remember a promise I made to by best friend. I probably hurt her._

"Sorry for forgetting." I say. She smiles at me.

"It's okay. You are going to check it out, right?" I nod. "Great! I know you are going to enjoy it. You know Monika's in there?"

I am suprised. "Really? She is?" Sayori nods. "That's suprising. What is she doing there?" I can't believe that such a beautiful girl like her is there. She is the most popular girl in school and is most likely to have a boyfriend. I wonder if she would be with me if I asked her.

But of course, my damn dumbass can't even get the strength to talk to her. When she does talk, it is nice to hear.

**_What a fucking pussy you are Kyle! If you ever got with her, you would drag her down, so it's great you can only stare and admire._ **

"She actually started the club. I'm the vice president since I was first to join." Sayori said. So she decided to start it up on her own. Guess it must be her passion.

Before I know it, we are here at school.  "Okay, I'll see you later." She said.

"See ya." I said with a smile. She smiles back and walks off to her side of the building. I head to mine, getting awkward stares throughout the day. I'm so terrified to even look at the windows to see him staring back.

Maybe the club can make me feel a little bit better.

**_Or you can make them worse. You'll fail them like you fail yourself._ **

"Shut up." I try to block the voice out in my head and I don't notice that everyone had already left. "Wow. How long was I standing here? I better get going." I walk out and almost smack into Sayori.

"Wow, you are in a rush." I chuckle but I don't feel any humor.

"I didn't want to break my promise." I said. She smiles.

"Awww, that's so sweet of you." She said.

_**I wonder just how sweet she is.** _

_Shut the hell up!_

"So, you ready to go?" I ask. She nods and leads me to her club.

I hope this goes well.


	2. Is This What Normal Is?

Sayori lead me through the hallways so cheery and finally leads me to the club door. She opens it with a happy attitude. "Hey everyone! Kyle is here." I look around and am suprised by what I see.

A girl with purple hair walks up to me. "Welcome to The Literature Club. It's a pleasure to meet you." Then a girl with pink hair walks up to me as well.

"Yuri, who are you talking to babe?" Yuri points to me. "Oh, sorry. I was zoned out in my book I didn't even hear Sayori say you were here. Anyways, I'm Natsuki and this is my girlfriend, Yuri."

_Surprising those two are a couple. They look like polar opposites of each other. They do say opposites attract._

**_So where does that leave you? That's right, alone!_ **

I look and see Monika walking up towards me. She looks so beautiful. I doubt she'll even remember me. After all, I'm not worth remembering.

"Hey Kyle. It's nice to see you again." She said. She actually remembers me? How could she want to remember me?

"H-hi Monika. It's good to see you too." I say.

_God, I sound retarded. No wonder why no one likes me._

"I'm glad that you decided to come here today." Monika responds. Everyone looks at me. I'm suprised to see everyone so happy and content with their lives. I shouldn't be here. All I will do is ruin everyone's lives.

The rest of the time I'm there, I get asked many questions by everyone about literature. Although everyone is eager that I'm here, it seems that Monika tops everyone. Why is that?

"Okay everyone. That concludes the meeting. Don't forget to write your poems." Monika saids. She looks at me and smiles sweetly. "Kyle, if you want to join, you can. It would be nice to have you here."

I want to join, but what will happen to me if I do something stupid because of my depression. For what I know, literature and poems bring out the actual sides people hide. I don't want them to see that I'm insane.

But I can't say no to a smile like hers. "Okay, I'll join the club." Everyone smiles and brightens up. Monika looka so happy that I said that.

_What the hell did I just agree to? What have I done?_

**_You gave yourself a chance to get hurt and hurt others. Have fun with that!_ **

Despite what I hear and think, I smile and wave as the everyone starts to leave. Before I can walk out, Monika taps me on the shoulder. "Hey Kyle. Don't forget to write a poem. I can't wait to see it."

Oh. That's what she wanted. Well, at least that shows she is a responsible president. I nod and smile and watch her start to walk off. She stops and turns around. "Kyle, can you walk me home?"

"S-sure." I said. I think I'm blushing. It's probably a friend thing after all, so there's no point to get my hope up.

It takes about 15 minutes to get to her house, but when I do, I'm stunned. It's so beautiful. It matches her very well. "Thank you Kyle. See you tomorrow." She saids as she walks in. I wave and smile as I watch her enter her home.

I get home, still confused. "What was that about?" I ask myself. "I didn't mind that, but she is just trying to convince me to stay."

"Exactly. So don't get your hope's up too high." Sebastian said. I sadly agree with him and start to write my poem. I don't know what to write exactly, since I never did this before.

_Should I write something for Monika or write something truthful?_

I decide to go truthful but I am very selective. I finish writing and look at it. "I think this will do." I put it in my bag and see it has already gotten dark out.

All I do is lay on my couch and look at the ceiling. I always end up doing this because I can't go to sleep. If I do, I'm filled with voices that give me dread and despair. I do always eventually fall asleep, but it's only a hour or two.

_Hopefully tomorrow has something different to it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me and Him
> 
> I am normal and kind  
> He is dark and right.  
> I am told to keep to myself  
> He tells me all night.
> 
> We are nothing alike  
> Yet we are the same.  
> I can't escape this faith  
> I am him and he is me.


	3. I Feel No Pain.

My day went on as usual. Getting taunted by Sebastian, having depressing taughts, and having everyone stare at me, even though no one paid me no attention. I honestly wanted to be anywhere but here. I walk out and remember about the club. I walk in and am immediately greeted by Monika.

"Hey Kyle, you came. Glad you didn't run off on us." She said.

**_Even she thinks you wouldn't show up. You aren't even trustworthy._ **

"Don't worry. Even though I may not be quite used to this, I always keep my promise." She smiles at me and it makes me feel a bit better. 

Yuri walks up to me. "I hope this is not overwhelming of a commitment for you. Making you dive headfirst into literature when your not accustomed to it."

Natsuki walks up to us with a smile on her face. "Don't worry Kyle. I'm sure you'll be just fine here. It's not as hard as you think." Her and Yuri nod, but I feel uneasy.

_I figured I would be hated for not knowing a damn thing. Why are they being nice to me? They must be faking it. That's why._

I smile and nod anyways. Looks like no one is expecting a thing from me. I look around and see the girls reading some book together, smiling at each other. I look to see Sayori writing something down on some paper.

I place down my bag and am approached by Monika. "Hey Kyle, I'm getting some supplies for the club. Can you come with me?" She asks.

"Yeah sure." I say. We walk out the club and she leads the way. She turns to me and speaks.

"Man, the club is truly something special. It's only been around for half a year, everyone loves it here. I probably wouldn't be the person that I would be today without them." She saids.

"That is a nice thing to have. After all, having people to talk to is a nice thing, especially when they don't take their conversations because they don't find you interesting." I say.

She looks at me quizzically. "You say that like you never talk to anyone."

"It's because I'm unpopular. You know that." I say. I'm not really that popular, but people remember me for some reason. When they talk to me, I feel as every word they speak is fake.

There is an awkward silence in the air, but we finally reach the room. She looks in the closet and starts picking things out. "Here, hold these, will you?" I take them and there is silence in the room again. I decide to break it with a question.

"So I'm suprised that someone like you doesn't have a boyfriend or anything like that. Why is that? You know every man here wants to date you."

She looks at me with a smile. "If every man wants to date me, that must mean you want to as well." I don't know how to respond to that. She laughs at me. "I'm just teasing."

_But that wouldn't be a bad thing._

"What was that?" She asks.

Wait, that wasn't a thought? Did I just speak my mind out? "N-nothing." I respond.

**_Good job you fucking idiot!_ **

 We reach the club and as soon as I do, I turn to Monika. "Hey I'll be back. I got to do something real quick." She smiles and nods for me to go. As soon as I leave the room, I run into the bathroom. I can't handle the stress that I feel right now.

I try to wash my face off to calm me down, but it's not working. "Do you think that you can just wash your problems away?" I look and see Sebastian in my reflection.

"Get. Out. Of. My. HEAD!" I scream out. He just laughs and laughs. I lose control of myself and I punch the mirror as hard as I can, cracking it and shattering it. Glass falls on the floor and into the sink.

I looks at my fist and am suprised that glass is not in it. But I still feel all my pain. "What am I going to do? I can't focus on anything." I put my hand on the sink, forgetting that there was glass there. I cut my finger and pull my hand back. To my suprise, even though there is blood, I don't feel pain at all.

"How?" Even some of my previous pain is fading away some. "That's suprising." I take it a step further and grab a longer, sharp piece of glass and roll up my sleeve. "One can't hurt." I push it against my arm and make a short cut in my arm. As soon as I see the blood, I start to laugh loud. I feel some sense of released pressure inside me, as if my pain just vanished by that.

"No no no. This is wrong." I wash off the blood and see  that I stop bleeding. "I can't do that to myself."

**_But it felt good, right? To have all your problems just fade away by that?_ **

_You have a point, but there are better ways to get rid of my problems._

**_Name one way you have tried. That's right, none. You keep to yourself, so that's the only way._ **

I ignore him and walk out of the bathroom and walk back into the clubroom. I see everyone sharing their poems already. I walk up to Monika. "Sorry for taking so long. I'm...just not feeling well."

She turns to me. "It's fine. You still have time to share with me." I hand her my poem. She reads over it for a minute and looks at me. "It's really good. I like idea of symbolism in it." I smile and thank her as she hands me her poem.

I don't know how to quite describe her poem. "I guess you like freeform writing. Sorry, I'm not the best at giving advice. But I do like the idea you had as of what you were trying to convey." She smiles and kind of looks away.

_Is she blushing? How am I able to make anyone blush?_

"That's sweet to hear from you." She turns and sees the girls looking at us. I can see the uncomfortable look on her face for a split second. "Okay everyone. It's time to end the club meeting."

Everyone walks out and I leave as well. As I'm walking down the hallway, Monika stops me. "Hey Kyle, can you walk with me again?" Inod and we make our way back to her house.

I must say, it is really nice to hear her talk about the things she is passionate about. But what I asked earlier is still on my mind. "Hey Monika." She looks at me. "You never answered my question earlier."

"Oh yeah. Well...I have a interest in some boy, but I really don't know how to tell him." She said, shyly. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Monika, I'm sure that you will be fine. Can you tell me about him?" She looks nervous for some reason.

"He is kind, gentle, someone that can get along with just anyone. He is always happy but he always doubts himself. I...I think I may be falling in love with him." I smile.

"That is very sweet to hear that. I'm sure he may have a crush on you so you won't have to worry about it." I said. She smiles back, which warms my heart.

"Thank you." We continue walking until we reach her house. "Kyle, it's nice that you are willing to do this. Not only walk me home, but that you joined the club. I really am grateful." I try to hide the fact I'm starting to blush.

"Have a good day." I tell her as she walks off into her house. I walk back to my house, but I can't keep my head straight. I can't stop thinking about Monika.

"Boy, you really are falling for this girl." Sebastian says. "Why do think she said all those things Kyle?"

"I don't know. Please tell me. Like it's going to do me any good." I said sarcastically.

"She is clearly in love with  _you._ " He saids. I am shocked.

"You're kidding me, right? She's not falling for a deadbeat." He laughs.

"As much as I like to torture you with lies, I can torture you with truth. She truly is in love with you. Even though I have made you so dull, those qualities match you. But like I said, you won't tell her how you feel."

As much as I hate this thing, he is right. I can't tell her. I  _won't_. She will hurt I do that. I can only write my poems and hope she enjoys it. By the time I realize it, it is night. I had already finished my poem and fall to sleep.

* * *

 

I'm dreaming of Monika. We are at some dance and she is wearing a beautiful green dress. She is so happy to see me. I hold out my hand and she takes it. We dance all night long and by the end of it, we are so close. I start to go in for a kiss and she starts to do the same.

But I wake up.

_Why was I dreaming of Monika? I don't care. I saw how beautiful she was. I think I may love her. So much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beauty of Green
> 
> We all feel pain  
> A feeling we can relate.  
> Rainclouds float over me and rain  
> Due to problems I create.
> 
> We all feel love  
> A feeling so great.  
> When my life is rough  
> Her smile is all so sweet.
> 
> He fills me with hate  
> I can only feel sad.  
> I am able to push everyone away great  
> So later they don't get mad.
> 
> Can I be free of this terrain  
> That haunts me with rage?  
> I can only see the beauty of green  
> It keeps him in his cage.


	4. Is This Love I Feel? Or Regret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me ages to write. Writer block really sucks, especially when you had to rewrite half the chapter because your phone decides to erase it. The original was better, in my opinion, but I hope this will make do.  
> Also, let me know what you think about the story. I would like to know how you feel about this story and some things I can make happen.

My head won't stop playing tricks on me. I can't go to school like this. I guess I can go to the park for a bit. After all, no one is going to miss me at school.

It takes me 20 minutes to get to the park. It is so beautiful to see this place again. I remember coming here all the time with Sayori. She is a sweet girl, someone that nothing can go wrong with her. At least, that is how she is now.

I remember several years ago we came here. I was going to give her a gift and she wanted me to come here for something. I still remember the emotions and the conversation from that day.

* * *

_I hope Sayori likes this gift I got her._

I see Sayori coming from the distance. I quickly hide the box with the red ribbon I got for her. She looks happy, but I can see there is something wrong with her. "Hey Sayori, what's wrong?"

She looks at me quizzically. "There's nothing wrong with me silly. See?" She flashes me a bright smile. But I can read her like a book. I put my hand on her shoulders.

"Sayori, you didn't want me to come here if you didn't have anything to tell me. You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool your best friend." I see her starting to tear up a little bit.

"Your right. I do have something to tell you. Please don't think different of me." I nod. "I...I have really bad depression. I had it for a while. I..." She starts to cry. "I can't deal with this anymore. It hurts so much."

I hug her and she hugs me back. "Sayori, I'm so sorry. Why haven't you told me?"

She still is crying hard. "I didn't think you would want to deal with me."

"Sayori! I do care about you, no matter what. Dealing with you is not some burden you think it is. It's something that I I wouldn't want to trade in for the world."

She let's go of me, wiping the tears from her face. "That's...really nice to know."

"I did get something for you. I was going to give it to you a while ago, but now it matters that I do." I open up the box and show her the red hair ribbon.

"It's so nice Kyle. You really are my friend, Kyle." Sayori said. She takes it and puts it in her hair. She brightens up greatly now. "How do I look?"

I smile. "Like a bundle of sunshine." I hug her. "And I'll make sure you stay that way. No matter what it takes, I'll make sure this pain ends for you." She hugs back.

"Thank you Kyle. Thank you so much."

* * *

 I kept my promised. After a year, she did get better. Now she doesn't suffer from her depression. She still has her bad days, even if they're rare to see, but I always make them better.

"You can help your friend, but you can't help yourself. How pathetic are you?" Sebastian said.

"You're the problem. Your so fucking evil." He laughs.

"I may be evil, but what does that mean if I'm conceived within your mind?" He replies.

"I'm not evil. I just..." I can't fight back. This personality, no matter how twisted it is, is another version of me. I look at the time at my phone and see that school is almost over. If I leave now, I can make it to school.

I do make it to school, so it should be time for the club to meet. But I can't get what he said out of my head. I'm not evil, but he was born from all my hatred and depression. The more I try to shake it out of my head, the more my pain intensifies.

I end up going to the bathroom before I get to the club. "All I want is this pain to end. What will it take just for me to stop it?" I look and see the mirror got replaced. But I see a long, sharp piece of glass still lying on the sink.

I pick it up and observe it. It made some of my pain end. "Fine. Just end my pain already." I don't think another second. I roll my sleeves up and start cutting. One cut. Two cuts. 15 cuts. I stop and looka t my trashed arms, bleeding. "This is who I am. This is the only way it will stop." I wash off my arms and tape the cuts up.

I get out the bathroom, not feeling as much emotional pain as before. Why is this the only way it will stop? Eventually, it'll turn into an addiction. But for now, it is my only way of not hurting as much.

I enter but I can't force myself to smile. I just have a empty expression. I sit down and just look at the desk. I did notice that everyone was already preoccupied. I didn't see Monika however.

I would ask were she was, but I can't keep my eyes open. Soon I drift into sleep. I start dreaming of me being tortured by Sebastian, seeing everything I ever loved or cared about, being destroyed.

I have a tendency to talk while I sleep, which only made me feel worse. "No...stop...Sebastian...kill me...STOP!" I suddenly wake up, just before Monika approaches me.

"Hey Kyle, is everything alright? You look sad." She asks with a concerned look on her face.

_Just lie. She won't expect anything from you._

"I'm fine, I guess. I just am a little upset with myself at the moment." She pulls up a chair and sits right in front of me. She puts her elbows down and interlocks her fingers so she can rest her head on them.

"Well you can always tell me anything. I won't judge." She smiles at me sweetly as she stares into my eyes.

_I can't just lie to her, not with her looking like this. It's almost distracting me from what I was thinking about._

"I can't seem to gain some courage to tell his girl that I like her." She suddenly looks excited. I wonder were this will go.

"You like someone? Well now I want to know. Who is it? Is it someone I know?" She saids. This is going to be difficult.

"Well, she is someone you know. Someone who is outgoing, smart, beautiful, her personality is sweet. She is someone I can just tell about anything and I know I won't be a laughing stock." I can't help but to smile.

"Kyle, I'm sure someone like you has a chance with her. Don't be afraid to tell her how you truly feel." She saids. I suddenly notice one of her hands is covering mine. She seems to be lost in her thoughts as she stares at me passionately.

"Uh Monika, it's time to share poems." Yuri saids. Monika suddenly breaks out of her gaze. I think I see her blushing to what just happened.

"Yeah, it is. Ok eveyone! It's time to share poems." She says as she goes to her bag and reaches for her poem. I get mine as well and approach Monika first.

She reads over it. Now a second time. What is she thinking? "Kyle, this poem is so sweet. I can tell you really like this girl. Although, it sounds like you describe me a whole lot."

I don't even think another second as I speak. "Well it's easier to write when I'm thinking about you." As soon as I say that, I put my hand over my mouth and regret what I said. "S-sorry, I haven't been sleeping well recently."

I see her expression through her hair. She is smiling by what I said. And I can see she is blushing really hard.

She looks at me. "It's fine Kyle. No big deal. After all, people write about me a lot." Even though she saids this, I can see she is lying.

_Is that something she wanted? Me to tell how I feel? No, she must be faking it. She just doesn't want to break my heart._

"Well, do you want to read mine?" I smile and nod. She gives me her paper and I read through it.

I seem to notice something in it. It looks like she is trying to convey some message to whoever this is for. I can clearly see she has a interest on some guy. But the way he is described seems like it closely matches me.

**_How self absorbed you are. Your just thinking she actually likes you. If she did, she would make it more clearer._ **

I ignore him and smile. "Monika, this is really good. This sounds like you are really interested in the guy you like. I'm sure he is a great person. He'll probably confess to you one day. Just give it time."

Her expressions changed to a sense of happiness. I can't describe to what part I said she is happy about. "I hope he does too."

I give her back her poem and I realize she is still holding onto mine. "Uh, Monika?" She realizes what she is doing, but she still doesn't give me it.

"I would...like to keep it. I just..." She can't finish her sentence. Does she really like it that much? Why am I making people like me? I'm so stupid.

"Monika, I'll give it to you when I walk you home today. Okay?" She smiles in a way I never seen before. She hands me the poem and goes to show everyone else her poem. I give it to everyone else and they are suprised that I write poetry well. They all told me it sounds like I'm trying to get Monika's attention, but I dismiss it.

"Okay everyone. That's the end of the meeting. Remember, we still have our festival event we got to do. So prepare for it." Monika saids. Everyone nods, but I am confused.

_I'll have to ask her what she is talking about._

We make our way down the street, and I give her my poem as promised. Just listening to her talk makes me happy. I can just listen to her talk all day long about her life.

"Hey Monika, what are we doing for the festival? I was never told about that." I ask her.

"Oh, no one told you?" I shake my head. "We are taking poems that we write and we are reciting it to a group of people. I hope that's okay with you. If not, I understand." She said.

I don't know how well I will do, but it may make her more interested in me if I did.

**_You'll fail her, like you fail yourself. Accept the fact she despises you and she just rather you shut your mouth._ **

_Your wrong. I'm doing this for her._

"Yeah, I'll do it. After all, I'm part of the club. It's only fair if I partake in it too." I tell her. She looks at me and beams with excitement.

"You really will?" I shake my head. "Yay!!" Before I know it, she hugs me with excitement. She feels so warm, it's almost fogging my head up. "Oh, sorry. I got a little excited."

"It's no problem. It felt...nice actually." She blushes. We continue walking until we reach her house. I was going to tell her bye, but she has a wierd look on her face.

"Kyle, would you...like to come in? For a while?" I'm shocked. What has today turned into? Her expression on her face is really making me not want to turn it down.

"Of course I would." She smiles and leads the way and I follow.

_**Best hope nothing happens Kyle.** _


	5. Time to Be Free And True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gets dark and bad fast. That's all I want to say.

I entered her house and am taken away. Her house looks as beautiful on the inside as it did on the outside. I hear some people chatting in what was her kitchen. I look and see her talking to her parents. They turned to me as Monika greeted me to them.

"So guys, this is my newest club member and best friend, Kyle. Kyle, this is my father, Reo, and this is my mother, Samantha." I wave as they smile at me.

"Monika, this is your friend you been talking about? He is really sweet." Samantha said. What do you think hon?"

Reo looked at me. "Looks like a nice kid." I smile at them.

_They're lying. They are just trying to be nice, but they hate my guts. They probably think I'm dating her._

"So Kyle, we are making dinner. Do you plan on staying?" I start to reject but Monika interrupts me.

"Yes he is. Right?" She looks and smiles. Her emerald green eyes stare at me and make me feel a way I never felt before.

"Sure I will." I really don't know what to do. I haven't been in another person's house with their family in a long time. I know that my stomach hurts. Probably since I haven't ate in 2 days.

I sit down on the couch and watch Monika go upstairs. I just sit and wait for something, anything.

"You don't have to be so nervous Kyle. Everything is fine." Reo said as he sat in a chair opposite of me. This house is so much bigger and better than mine. I try to relax, but I can't.

I see Monika come back down in some different clothing. It looks like what people call "casual clothing." It took me by suprise to see her wear anything besides her school outfit.

I was going to compliment her, but I hear her mother speak. "Dinner is done." I stay silent and follow everyone to the kitchen. I sit down and watch evryone pray. I lost faith in God a long time ago since Sebastian terrorized me.

They finish and start eating. They fixed what looks like spaghetti. They all look happy with each other. I wish I could be.

"Kyle, is everything alright?" Monika saids. I look and see I haven't touched the food.

"Yeah I'm fine." I take a fork and take a bite. And another. And another. I just can't help myself. I haven't ate in so long, it felt so good.

I stop and look around. They have a suprised look and are looking at me. "S-sorry. I...have to go use the bathroom." I get up and go to their bathroom.

I am so ashamed by that. I can't believe I just did that. My pain is back again. I looks at my arms. "Why? Why did I do this to myself?"

"Because you hate yourself. That's all you can do." Sebastian replaces my reflection. "Look at what you have become. This is what you want Monika to see? Let's see how that goes."

"Stop. Stop. Stop stop stop stop. Just end already." He laughs sinisterly.

"I love to see you suffer. That fills my evil heart with pleasure. It won't be long till you snap and I will become alive." He saids.

I get out, rolling down my sleeves. I go back into the kitchen and see the mother washing dishes. Monika and Reo are having a cheery conversation. I go up to the mother.

"Hey Samantha. Can I help you? She nods smiling and moves over. I scrub and watch everyone. "You guys are really happy, are you?"

"Why of course we are. We have everything we ever wanted. How about you?" She asks.

I...I don't know what to say. I speak about what I feel. "Happy with her. She makes me feel a way that I never felt before. Too bad she doesn't know how I feel."

_Did I really just say that? Now she is really going to hate me. A girl like her doesn't deserve some low life like me._

She chuckles. "You may not know it, but I believe she feels the same way as you." I look at her, suprised.

"Why? How?" I ask.

"Think about it. She asks you to walk home every day. She spends more time with you than everyone else. She has liked you for a while. You just never realized it."

"She can't like me. That's not good." I don't even care what I say anymore. I just need to get it out.

"Why do you say that? It's not a bad thing." She saids with a concerned look.

"She can't like a deadbeat. She's too good for that. I can't drag her down with me. She deserves better than someone who is insane and depressed." I suddenly realize that everything is quiet. Everyone is looking at me.

_**You done it now. You fucked up. Just like I planned.** _

"Shut. Up. NOW" I scream out. I run out the house, but I don't make it far. The pain is too much. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!" I run down the road, not looking back.

"What's wrong? It seems like your not yourself." Sebastian saids. "Is it too much?"

"Stop this. STOP!"

"Give in and I will. Let yourself give up and it will stop." He demands

"Fine. FINE! Just don't get anywhere to Monika." I plead.

"Deal." That's all I hear before I start to feel myself black out. Before I do, I feel some sensations I never felt before. Anger, hatred, darkness, evilness, and...alive.

**_You gave up Kyle. Now here I am. Sebastian is the name and I AM ALIVE!!!_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He is free, and now he will do anything he desires before Kyle gains strength to fight back. What happens now?


	6. Time To Live Free Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Sebastian's POV. Time to explore the evilness in Kyle.

Wow, this is something new. I can't describe it. I can only describe it as the feeling of being alive. I feel so evil and have a urge to raise hell. I know of the best way to do that.

I go down the street, finding a bar. Before I go in, I look and at my reflection. "I look truly evil with these crimson red eyes." I wish there was more to me, but these will do.

I open up the door and everyone stares at me. I hope they get a good look at me. I sit down and look at the bartender. "Hey sir, give me a drink."

The bartender looks at me. "Son, you look too young to be drinking. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I gash him a crooked smile and pull him close by his shirt.

"Listen here bud. Either your giving me a drink, or I will break every bone in your body. Deal?" I can feel him shake as he nods. Some people start to scoot away from me. He hands me a a litter bottle of Jack Daniel's and I chug down some of it.

"Son, what are you doing?" I turn and see two punt police officers. I flip them the bird.

"What does it look like asshole?" I drink some more in front of them. Everyone is looking at us.

"Your going to have to come with us." He tries to grab me, but I pull away. This little fuck tried to touch ME!? "If you don't come with us, it will be worse for you." He tries to grab me again.

I snatch his wrist. " **No one touches SEBASTIAN!!"** I say with a deep, dark tone. I throw the officer over the bar, making him slam into the shelf behind it. The other officer tries to pull his gun, but I grab him and pull him close. "FEAR ME!" I punch him as hard as I can in his face. I can hear his skull fracture.

This commotion causes a bar fight. I take the rest of my Jack Daniel's and walk out the bar. I see something as soon as I walk out. I see a trench coat with a top hat and cane with a skull as a handle.

"This will match me well." I punch the glass and take the outfit. I run away as the alarm blares.I put it on and observe myself. "What a evil little devil I am." I look like the young version of Edward Hyde. The perfect hellraiser with the perfect cover.

I walk down the street and look around this city. I can take everything they have, destory everything they have. I can do whatever they want and do it with pleasure. While I think about this, I hear a scream from around the corner.

"Don't touch me." A familiar female voice saids.

"Oh don't worry. Just come with us Monika. Don't worry about Kyle." I hear some asshole say. I turn the corner and see a few jocks trying to take Monika into their car.

**_Those assholes are hurting her. I can destory them so easily and I will. I won't let them hurt her. I don't know why I want to protect her, but I feel like I want to._ **

_"_ I wouldn't do that buds." I start walking towards them. "After all, it may cost you." They pay their attention towards me.

"Fuck off bud. I wouldn't want to have to kill you." I laugh sinisterly. 

"Kill me? You can't kill Sebastian!" I say. One by one, they try to attack me, but I put them down one by one. The last one to attack me was the one that had a hold on Monika. "You should have listened to me" I headbutt him, fracturing his skull badly. I grin

Monika gets up, but I run off. I head back to Kyle's home. I drink the night away. Before I sleep, I write Kyle's poem. I put my own them to it and I finally fall asleep. I will return once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Am Free!
> 
> I have never been so free  
> Been stuck in a prison of his mind.  
> I see a world of greed  
> So much mysteries in me to find.
> 
> I am free from his reflection  
> I will forge my own destiny.  
> Let's build up some traction  
> So he will finally agree.
> 
> Know me by my name  
> Sebastian is what I am called.  
> I don't need money or fame  
> I just need to be know by all.
> 
> He can't stop what he is  
> I am evil because he is as well.  
> Kyle won't ever be loved by anyone  
> No one can save him from his downfall.


	7. I Can't Help Falling In Love With You

**Kyle's POV**

I wake up in my bed, groaning. I have such a massive headache. "What the hell happened?" I get up and look around. I see at the side of my bed a bottle of Jack Daniel's. "What am I wearing?" I take off the trench coat and the top hat.

I run into the bathroom to look at my reflection. "What the hell happened last night Sebastian?!" He replaces my reflection and I can see him wearing the same outfit I took off.

"Well Kyle, last night was fun to say the least. I caused a bar fight, stole this outfit. I even saw Monika last night." I get filled with burning anger.

"If you did something to her, I'll make sure we never see the light of day again!" He laughs by my statement.

"Chill Kyle. I actually ended up helping her without her knowing it was...well, us. Some jock assholes were trying to put her in some car when she was looking for you. I hospitalized them pretty badly to say the least."

"You helped her?" I ask. "I thought you were evil, suppose to care less of people's problems."

"I would have not, but I had a strong urge to. I just couldn't resist it." He saids. So he is affected by Monika too.

"Why did I do that? She knows there is something wrong with me. What am I going to do now?" I sit on the toilet and put my hands over my face.

"Push through. Don't fuck up again. Don't do anything irrational. Then everything should be fine." He suggests.

"Why should I take your advice?" He has an angered look on his face.

"I followed your end of our deal. Now you are defying ME!?" Whne he raised his voice,  it shattered my mirror. "It would be best you do what I suggest."

I walk out with a nod and head to school. My head keeps swarming with thoughts that I don't want to think. So much negativity in me. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who has a future, not some trash that has feelings for her.

On the way to school, I run into everyone in the club but Monika. Should I really bother them? Maybe Monika told them how I acted. I should just--

"Hey Kyle." Sayori says happily. Great. I walk up to them, but I don't smile. I can't. It hurts to try anymore.

"Hey girls. How have you been?" They tell me they're doing fine. "Where is Monika at?" They shrugged their shoulders.

"She said something happened last night with you too. Did you finally get together?" Yuri asks.

"Far from that. I think I ruined any chance I had with her." They all stop and look at me.

"What did you do Kyle? Did you hurt her?" Natsuki asks. She looks really pissed off.

"No I didn't. I told her family how I really feel." I respond.

"That's a good thing, right?" Sayori asks.

"Not in that way. I didn't tell them how I feel about her. I told them about how  _I_ feel." I clarify.

"What do you mean?" Yuri asks.

"You don't want to know." I walk on, not really caring if they follow me. They eventually catch up to me and I stay silent. We reach the school and everyone parts ways, except Sayori.

"Kyle, what is going on? Your not usually like this.  Did something happen with you?" She asks.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Sayori, I'll be fine. I just need to make sure you guy's will stay that way."

She doesn't look like she is having it. "Kyle, something happened and I know it. Please, let me know if there is something I can do. It's the only thing I can do for you since you did the same for me."

_I don't know what to do. I can't have her hurting because of me. I tried so hard for her not to suffer anymore. I won't let her suffer again. I can tell her half the truth._

"I'll tell you when we get home, ok?" She nods and hugs me tightly. I give her a hug back and she walks off to her side of the building.

The day isn't going good. I keep on having these heat flashes, I don't feel in control of myself, and worst of all, I have a heightened sense of wanting to cause trouble. Everytime I see some guy stare at me, I have a urge to cause him pain.

_Keep it together. One more day and you can figure this out over the weekend._

"Kyle, did you hear what I said?" The teacher asks me. He looks down at me and his expression changes fast. "Kyle, are you okay? Do you need to leave? If you do, that's okay."

I flash him a fake smile. "Why wouldn't I be? Everything is fine." I notice he is not looking at me anymore, but at my desk. I look down and am horrified by what I see. All over the paper is the same 5 words repeated, taking up the whole sheet.

**Get out of my head.**

"I...I think I should leave." He nods and I take the paper and put it in my bag. Thank God it's almost the end of the school day anyways.

I wait around for the final bell to sound and when it does, I hesitate.

_What am I going to do? If I go home, Monika will worry about me more than she is already. If I go, I'll be asked a barrage of questions from her. I want to tell her, but she may lose herself if I do._

I go with my gut and head to the club. I pass the music room and stop when I hear a piano playing. I don't know why, but it mesmerizes me. I walk near the door and stand right beside. I hear a beautiful voice coming from the other side.

 _Take my hand...take my whole life too...._  
_For I can't help...falling in love with you_

Monika. It was Monika. Is she really in love with me? Or is that wishful thinking?

For some reason, Sebastian has been oddly quiet. I rush to the bathroom and look at my reflection. "What are you planning?" He doesn't respond nor come out. "Answer me." Nothing. "ANSWER ME!"

He finally comes out, with a expression I never seen before. Is he feeling what I'm feeling too? "What have I done? Why?" Is he feeling regret?

"Your faking this. You have something planned to ruin this for me." His look still doesn't change.

"Not this time. There is something about her. I...I can't hurt her anymore." What the hell is going on?

"I don't know what you are doing, but you won't fool me." I don't know how, but he seems to manifest himself in front of me and pulls me in.

"I'm not faking anything! Not anymore! I think I love her and the only way I'll be able to have that is by not being me."

_I'm in shock. For the first time, he want to be...good? Is that why he helped her? Because he felt love toward the same girl I did?_

He disappears in front of me and I am left there confused. I can't fathom what is happening. I leave and reluctantly walk into the club.

The first person I see is Monika. She is talking to the group about something. I put my stuff down and sit down. "No, I forgot to write a poem." I get a piece of paper out and suddenly, I don't have control of my hand.

I stare as my hand writes for me. This must be Sebastian doing this. I don't know what is going on. This must be a dream.

I watch as my hand finishes the poem. I pick it up and read it.

* * *

How I Feel

I can watch you every day  
Hear you sing till the end of time.  
Your smile is all that I can pay  
All I want is for you to be mine.

I have my issues left at bay  
Which I hide so you can be safe.  
But I know you love me every day  
So I'm left with feeling great.

If I told you my secrets  
Would you still feel the same?  
If I show you how I want to be  
Would you risk all your fame?

I never felt this way before  
Until I came across you.  
When I can't feel ever more  
I know that I will always love you.

* * *

 I'm at a lost for words. This is...no words can describe how great this is. I don't know if I should show this to her.

"Kyle, can I talk to you?" I look up and see Monika standing if front of me.

"Y-yeah sure." I get up and see that everyone is gone. "Where did everyone go?"

"I sent them out on what they were suppose to do this weekend." She replied. I'm nervous on how this will end up.

"Kyle, you have been such a great person to me. You just know how to make me smile no matter what. It hurts me to know you are in pain." She grabs onto one of my hands and interlocks it. "I want to help you in any way I can. I want to be there for you no matter what."

"Why? You deserve to live a happy life with your family, worry about normal teenage things. You don't need to worry about some trashy person like me. You deserve better than me." I reply.

"Deserve better than someone who helps others? Kyle, there is no one here like you." She says.

"Your right. Everyone else is normal and happy."

"Not that. There is no one like you that can make others feel great about themselves. You care so much for people that you forget about you. You always make sure that everyone gets what they want, but you don't want anything at all."

It hurts that she thinks I'm a caring person. I only do that so people don't worry about me.

"I want everyone to be happy. I don't want them to waste their time on me. It's never worth it and you can't benefit from me."

She immediately hugs me without warning. She buries her head in my shoulders. Is she...crying? I made her cry. I hate myself so much.

"Kyle, your wrong. Your wrong about that all. You deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy with someone like you. I want that with you Kyle. I...I love you Kyle."

I can't handle this anymore. I break down as well, crying hard. I just can't handle the pain anymore. All I do is push people away and I can't do that anymore. I love her and I can't help it anymore.

"I'm... I'm so sorry to hurt you. I never wanted you to feel what I feel, or deal with my problems. I did that because I love you too. Please, let me talk to you about this Saturday. I'll explain it all." I say.

She looks at me and nods. She realizes the poem I have on the desk and she takes it and reads it. Her expression starts to brighten up. She puts it down and walks up to me.

"I love you so much Kyle." Before I can even respond, she kisses me. My head just goes blank. My thoughts stop and I can only focus on one thing. She pulls away, but I bring her back in for a longer kiss. The taste of her is something I can hold on to forever. I love this girl so much.

We break away and I can see her blushing really hard. "Kyle, that was...I can't even describe it." I smile and hug her.

"I'll see you Saturday." She smiles and waves as I walk out the room. My heart is beating like a row of war drums. I would never expect it to feel that good. I'm so happy right now. I know later I may have depressing thoughts but all I care about is Monika right now.


	8. Sayori's Comfort

I get home and as figured, my depression creeps back onto me again. I can't stop thinking bad things again. It's getting a bit overwhelming. Sebastian seems to be making me suffer again, proving that Monika has some affect on it.

I hear a knock on my door. I go and open it to reveal Sayori. I totally forgot I told her to come here after school. I let her in and let her sit on the couch.

"You haven't been here in a long time." I say. "So what are you doing for the festival?"

"I'm printing out pamphlets of our poems we are performing. Monika said she was planning something and that you were going to help her." We sit in silence for a while. "What is going on Kyle?"

"I never told anyone this. I referenced it to Monika and her parents, but I didn't go into detail. It has caused me to change because I wanted to protect people from me."

Sayori scoots closer to me. "Kyle, what is happening to you? Please tell me." I take a deep breath.

"I have so many problems. One being my depression that caused me to come up with a other personality I call Sebastian. Second is him, tearing my mind down more and more. Last is this. Please don't judge me."

She looks so sad, but nods. I roll up my sleeves to reveal the wounds on my arms. "The pain was too much for me to bear, so I tried to get rid of it by this. I hate myself for doing it, but it helped and I only did it once."

She has tears down her face. "Why haven't you tried to reach out to us? You know we all care for you." I shake my head.

"That's why I did what I did. Putting you guys through my hell is something I couldn't bear stand. I care so much for you guys. But today, something changed in me. I just...couldn't lie anymore." 

I start to cry. Sayori walks to me and hugs me. Shh... It's alright Kyle. I'm here for you." She coos to me.

I'm glad to have a friend like her. No matter what, I can always seem to tell her anything. She is someone I am glad to always have in my life. After a few minutes, I stop and pull away.

"I feel a little bit better now. But I don't know how long that'll last. I just need to find a way to get rid of him." I say.

_**Get rid of me? Now you want to try to get rid of me?! You can't stop SeBastIan!!** _

_Your not real. You're just made up. Eventually you'll die off._

**_Want to get rid of me. It's easy. KILL YOURSELF!!_ **

_NEVER! I'm better than that!_

**_Your weak and stubborn. I will make sure till the day you die, you will suffer._ **

_You will fail!_

"Kyle, your spacing out again." Sayori saids, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Oh. Sorry about that." I still feel uneasy with everything that has transpired today. If Sayori wants to help me, she is doing the right thing.

"Are you okay?" Sayori asks.

"I still feel bad right now. Can you...stay for a little bit longer?" I ask. I didn't really want her to have to see me like this, but having her around helps me a lot.

"Sure Kyle. I don't mind." She pats me on the shoulder and walks downstairs to the living room. I walk down there to see her watching some TV show. I sit beside her and watch on for a while. 

I don't know how, but I ended up laying my head on Sayori's lap, nearly asleep. She giggles. "You must have a lot on your mind. Don't worry. Everything will be better soon." She stroked my hair softly and I end up falling asleep. 

* * *

"Kyle, wake up." Sayori shakes me and wakes me up. I look at the time on the clock and see it's been nearly 2 hours since I slept.

"Sorry. Thank you for doing this for me." I say. She smiles at me.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's the most I can do since you done so much for me." She replies.

"Hey Sayori, let me ask you something." She nods. "What did you do when it got this bad? How did you fight it?" She takes a few moments to gather her thoughts and starts to speak.

"I just look at who I cherished and envied the most. If not that, I try to find comfort in things that I liked to do before. But the main thing that helped me was confessing it to those that I love. Since I really didn't have anyone else but you, it helped me so much." She takes a minute and thinks back to something. "You know something? When I told my parents over phone, they never came to help me."

"Just like my parents. I never told them, but then again, they ran off on me too." I reply.

It has been a while since I seen mine or Sayori's parents. Just like mine did, they ran off on her, leaving her to fend for herself. I couldn't let her try to adapt to the world that quickly, so I always tried to help her out. I never knew that Sayori's parents were so lowlife that they didn't come to her daughter in her time of need. I'm glad that I can provide that for her.

My parents, on the other hand, didn't care much for me. I had to become an adult quickly, adding stress and pressures on me. For living arrangements, the school system helped me and Sayori with that. They treated me fair when they were around me, which was once every week. One day, they left a note saying they were going away for a little bit. Being smarter than that, I knew they ran away from me. Assholes.

"Well, have a good day Sayori." I said as I wave at her. She waves back and walks out the door. Such a beautiful, caring girl. I wonder why she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. Then again, I bet she does and she hasn't told me since I never left the house as much. Only recently since I joined the club have we been talking more. I hope the best for her.


	9. "Save Yourself"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the song that Kyle played.  
> From: My Darkest Days  
> Song: Save Yourself

I head to my room, trying to get through the pain that has been my day. I don't know what to do. I have always been so used to having such a dull lifestyle that I don't do anything for myself anymore.

_There has to be something. Anything..._

I stop and see my old guitar laying there. I remember many years ago, I got it because I had such an interest in rock music. I would always play the music and take over the part where the guitar would play.

I remember that there was always one song that I would play that seemed to match my life well. I take out my phone and play the song through my speakers. I start to strum on the string, gathering my memories back from playing. The songs lyrics ring through my soul.

 _I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell_  
_And you’re a angel with a haunted heart_  
_If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself_  
_From the demon living in the dark_

This part of the song reminds me of how I feel about Monika. I want her to be with me so much, but she doesn't know of my demons I hide from her.

  _It’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change_  
_You can never understand my sickness_  
_(I’ll never understand my sickness)_

 The more and more I play, the more this song matches my life. I wish it didn't all have to match, but it does.

 _Save yourself_  
_From a life full of lies and a heart full of pain and sorrow_  
_Save yourself_  
_From the choices I make because nothing but failure follows me_  
_Save yourself_

Why does my life have to be this way? Pushing away the one I love because I am the master of causing pain? Why does my life have to be marked by my failures?

 _You’re the perfect drug when it hurts like hell_  
_I never needed anyone so much_  
_There’s no-one else I love and I curse myself_  
_Cause the right thing is to give you up_

I want Monika to be with me so much, it is like an addiction. I love her so much, but it is right that I don't let her be with me.

 _I’m overcome by shame cause I can never change_  
_You can never understand my sickness_  
_(I’ll never understand my sickness)_

Sebastian is stuck in me. An evil that hurts and destroys me. How I can get rid of him, I'll never even know.

The song plays on and on and I feel tears fall from my face. I never had a song personify my life like this one does. I'm the devil's son, and she am angel ever so beautiful, falling for someone with demons that he has to hide. I can't force her to not like me, but I  can't watch her fall for something that is another secret.

The song eventually ends and I stop as well. That shook me up so much. "What should I do? There is only so much I can do before I give up."

"What about that gun you have there? Hidden away from yourself? You know that is the only way you will win. So man up and do it." Sebastian speaks inside my head.

I can't deny the inevitable, but there is no other choice. To save Monika, and the club, I have to kill both versions of me. I walk over to my bed and take out the pistol I had hid under my bed. I examine it closely.

"Guess I will see you one last time." I say out loud. I can hear his voice and many others speak in my head. My depression has reached a level I never knew before. Its...Its too much!

I look at the clip. "Full, even though I only need one." I load it and cock it back. I put it up to my head. Safety off. "Goodbye Monika. Goodbye Sayori. Goodbye Literature Club. I love you." I close my eyes and pull the trigger.

...

_OH MY GOD!!_


	10. True Meaning Of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I have morals.

...

"OH MY GOD!!" I throw the gun on the bed and sit in the corner, shivering.

_It misfired! The gun FUCKING MISFIRED!!_

I regret ever doing that. The voices in my head stop. I hear nothing but silence, except for my rapid breathing. I can't even believe I did that! What was i thinking!?

"Why did Itry to do that?! I would have caused so much pain for people. It would have devastated everyone that ever cared for me. Monika wouldn have been the first to see..."

I get up and rush to the toilet. I start throwing up from the stress I just put myself into. No, not me, but everyone else. I don't want to be remembered like that! The kid who killed himself when the most beautiful girl I know loves me.

"Monika...she really loves me." I sit down on the toilet after I stopped. I clean myself off and ponder for a bit.

_Does she really love me? What will she do if I expose my vulnerabilities to her? Will she love me the same? Or will she run away and see me as a freak? Will she tell me that loving me was nothing but a excuse to get me to stay?_

So many questions fill my head, but I don't have the answer to them. All I can do is wait till tomorrow and see what happens. I hop in the shower and let the hot water pour down on me. It's so relaxing to feel some warmth once more. It has been so long since I actually feeled relaxed in a long time.

I'm scared but I do it anyways. I look at the mirror to see if he is there. "Oh my God!" I say to myself. It's him...but dead. There is a hole through both sides of his head. Almost like...like he was shot.

He fade away from the mirror and I see myself again. I look so...different. I look as if a light turned on in me. For once, I actually look alive. "God, that pun is terrible." I laugh at myself by that. I can't believe that almost happened. I walk out to my bedroom and still see the gun there.

"Not again." I put on clothes fast and pocket the gun. I walk as far as I can from my house to the nearest lake. No one is here. I take the gun out and look at it one last time. "Never again will I try that." I throw it as hard as I can and watch it sink down. I walk back home and fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up to my alarm ringing. I look at the time. "9:30? I been asleep for a long time. Weird." I start wondering why I have the alarm set when the realization hit me. "Monika!"

I get up and start to clean up my room. Not that we will be coming up here, but it's nice to do it anyways. I go downstairs and start tidy everything up. Not much to my house, but it is what it is.

"I don't even know she'll be here." I look at my phone and it has one unread text from an unknown.

_Unknown: Hey, it's Monika. Sayori gave me your phone number since I forgot to get it yesterday. Hahaha! Anyways, I'll be over at your house in half an hour._

I save her number in my contacts and look at what time it was sent. Over 20 minutes ago. I go upstairs and try to make myself look presentable. I haven't done something like this in a long time. Trying to look decent for someone.

_Not just someone. It's Monika._

I finish up and...I still look the same. Can't change that fact much. Anyways, I go downstairs and wait. Long before I know, I hear the door knock.

_Please let this go well._

I take a deep breath and open the door. Looks like that didn't help much since she took the breath out of me. She looks so...stunning. She's still wearing her casual outfit from last time but seeing her without having to worry about  _him..._ she looks so beautiful.

"Hey. May I come in?" She changes her look to concerned. I let her in and watch her dit down on the couch. I sit opposite of her and stare down on the floor. I don't know what is about to happen.

"So...where do we start?" I ask reluctantly. She looks at me with her emerald green eyes.

"I guess with what is actually happening. From the start." She saids.

 _So basically I'm telling her everything about myself. I guess I don't have a choice._ I take a deep breath.

"I guess this started years ago, still in elementary school. My family wasn't exactly the one to show me any type of love in the right way, so I started to have really bad depression. The fact I didn't have friends surely made it worst. When my parents left a year later, it was when I can say I actually had depression.

"I tried to do many things to deal with it. Eventually, I made up another personality of me. Someone who was twisted and evil, can get away with their problems: Sebastian. Even though I tried to cope, he only made it worst.

"I tried to push people away so I didn't hurt them. Even though I pushed them away, I couldn't do that with Sayori. Hell, I even helped her with her depression. This kept going on and on till recently.

"I thought being here would make me cope better, but the voices in my head...it made it worst. I started to have build up pressure and I couldn't escape it. Please, don't hate me for this next bit."

She looks at me. She has a look of pure sadness, but nods. I slowly pull up both of my sleeves to show the hideous marks on my arms. She gasps at the sight of them. "Kyle, why? Why would you do that?" I can hear her voice breaking up, like she was about to sob.

"Because it was so overwhelming. The neverending voices in my head, it nearly broke my psyche. I cared about you and the club so much. You are the only group of people that show any warming emotion for me." I feel tears roll down my face. "But I ruined that and showed you how psychotic I really am."

I lose it and start to cry. I hate that this is happening. The girl I dream about is seeing me for who I really am right now. I'll never be the same again. I will be hated by everyone else and be seen as a reject.

My thoughts go on and on until Monika walks over to me and hugs me, which suprised me. Why is she doing this to me? I figure I would be hated forever because of this.

"Kyle, why would think that about yourself? I don't think that about you at all. The first time I saw you, I feel immediately for you. I saw something in you that I never seen in anyone else: someone with kind intentions and wouldn't see me for the person I appear as. I love you, no matter what. I will accept any of your burdens."

I am taken aback by all this. Here is this woman that will love me with my problems. A beautiful angel that falls for a man with many demons that he keeps his. I can't resist but to smile by all this. I feel for her the first time I ever saw her in my class last year. She had such a beauty inside her that I loved the moment she walked in and set those emerald green eyes on me.

"I love you so much. I would do anything to make sure that you are still happy. There is nothing that I wouldn't do to see that beautiful smile on your face every day."

I see her blush and smile. _She is so cute when she does that. Is there anything that she couldn't do that didn't make her so beautiful?_

I see her look back up at me. "So, what does this make us exactly? Because I know what I want." She asks.

_Should I do what I'm thinking about? You know what? Fuck it._

"I rather show you what I want us to be." I put my face closer to hers. I see her do the same. I feel our lips touch once again. Her kiss is so addicting everytime. There is nothing that I wouldn't do to feel this feeling that I feel right now: love.

Finally, we break and she let's out a content moan. "Does that answer your question?" I ask. She smiles.

"Yes it does. We're a couple now. I'm so happy right now." I can feel her excitement radiating off her likes its fire flowing around my body. "So, what happens now?" I take a minute and respond.

"I think it's best if I give your family a proper apology for what they saw a couple days ago. Maybe try that again?" I suggest. I think it would be best if I did that, considering she is my girlfriend now.

_Girlfriend, couple...this sounds nice for once._

"I think that would be great. Should we get going then?" She asks. I nod and she texts her parents about our plans. They approve and we walk out the house and down the street, holding hands.

While walking, I couldn't help but get lost in her eyes. Those emerald, green eyes. The eyes that I can spend an eternity spending my time with. Fitting for the type of girl I want to spend my whole life with. I think the future will be bright.

 _~~**Don't forget about who you are. I won't let this end this way!** ~~ _


	11. Making Thing Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. But you guys deserve it. This is basically the whole visit at Monika's house.

We finally get to her house but before we go in, I stop. I know what I'm going to do. I'm just worried that they will still think of me differently. Monika turns around and notices me standing there. She walks up to me.

"Kyle, it will be fine. Trust me." She gives me a small kiss and runs inside. That changes my mind real quick. I walk in and look to see Monika and her parents sitting in the living room.

_Don't worry. You got this. It's not that hard._

"So, I think I should start off with I'm sorry. My behavior last time I was here was unacceptable. That being said, there is some things you must know about me. It's not going to be easy to admit this, but if it makes Monika happy, then that's all that matters.

"To start, I have had really bad depression for most of my life. It was already hard for me to get through, but my mind made up another personality of me that I called Sebastian, which I know isn't real, but my depression makes what he saids real.

"This has been going on for many years till recently, it has started to slow down. But that doesn't mean that it still is bad." I look at my sleeves. "This next bit is really bad. Please forgive me and know that this will never happen again."

The look on their eyes show sympathy. I don't know if they feel bad for Monika, me, or even both of us. I know how much they love their daughter, but I still wonder what they will say to me. They nod silently and continue to listen.

I start to roll up my sleeves slowly and hear them gasp in suprise. Monika stil is smiling at me. I hope she is proud of what I'm doing.

"The pressure was becoming too much. So when I couldn't handle it anymore, I did this to myself. I hate that I went this low, but I didn't want to show anyone my problems. I fear that they would not feel the same anymore. I'm sorry for having to show you and tell you this, but I needed you to know what is wrong with me."

They sit in silence for a minute, looking at each other. I can't blame them for taking their time to respond. This is a lot to take in after all. Till yesterday, no one has known about this. If I want to get better, I need people to know that I have a problem.

"I'm sorry for you Kyle. Why haven't you told your parents about this?" Reo asks.

"They ran off on me when I was still in elementary school. Even if I knew where they were, they wouldn't care. They only care about when their next hit of drugs is. The only person I even told that was remotely my family was my childhood friend Sayori."

"What are you going to do about this?" Samantha asks.

"The only thing I can do: get help. I don't know where to start, but I know that telling people is the best place to begin. I did this today because I really care about your daughter. She is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I want to make sure that she stays happy, no matter what." I respond.

They look at each other again. "Kyle, do you want to stay for dinner tonight?" Reo asks.

"That would be nice. Thank you." I smile at them, this time with actual happiness. "I hope you forgive me." He gets up and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Kyle, if we judged you because of your problems, we would hate ourselves. One thing I learned is to never judge a book by it's cover." Reo said.

"I told you that part dad." Monika saids giggling. Reo chuckles a bit. Sounds like something she would say honestly.

"You did honey. You sure did." He looks at me. "Well, would you like to help?" I nod and follow him to the kitchen.

I usually don't eat a lot because of my depression, but I can cook very well. One of the things I had to learn by living alone. "Do you want to..." Reo stops midsentence as he holds up a chopping knife and some onions.

"Relax. Of course I want to." I said, knowing what he was thinking. I take the knife and the onions and start cutting them up.

"Sorry, I just--" I stop him from finishing.

"You don't have to be. I don't do that anymore. Trust me." I smile and continue. This is something I feared but I understand what he is trying to do. We continue prepping in silence until he breaks it.

"So, what do you usually do in your spare time?" He asks.

I think back to what I used to do before. I was a good artist, but I never had any motivation to finish anything I did. I used to play guitar, until my mental strain was drained of any joy of it. Writing is something I also enjoyed doing, but I got tired of letting my words never be heard, so I stopped.

_Geez. I really did a lot, but my depression always got in the way. I should get back into these hobbies more often. Maybe I can finally express some of my inner thoughts through these._

"Well, I used to do a lot of things. I was good with art, decent in writing anything like stories, but one thing that sticks out was playing guitar." He looks at me suprised.

"Your very talented I see. Tell me, what music do you usually play?" I told him rock. "Interesting. What song did you always play the most?" He asks.

"Save Yourself by My Darkest Days. I thought the song matched my life pretty well and it helped me cope for a while." I told him

He thinks to himself for a moment. "After dinner, I got something for you." I would ask, but truth be told, I actually want to be suprised. We stay silent for a while longer.

_I think it's best if I got to know him better. I wonder what type of person he is._

While we cook, I decide to ask him. "So, what about you? What do you do for a living?"

"Well, Samantha does music and singing lessons and I am a writer. We both get paid well, so we usually don't have problems with money. We been married for 18 years and together 20." Reo saids.

"Let me guess. Samantha loves piano and you love poetry." He raises an eyebrow.

"How did you know? Usually we have to tell people." I grin.

"I overheard Monika play a little bit when I was going down the hallway. She has a beautiful voice. She really takes a lot from you both" I explain. He smiles from the comment.

"Let me ask you something." He saids. I nod, not looking away. "What is it that makes you attracted to her? Is it fame or her looks?" I stop and look at him.

"Her beautiful personality. She is a special type of girl that I never seen before. I would love without any of those qualities that people see her as. She makes me happy with just a simple smile and a personality that speaks louder than words could."

_God I sound like a maiden of love in a male version._

"Listen. I like you Kyle. I don't see kids like you that often. Kids that are kind and considerate and not personified by what they do and how they look. I can see that you really care for Monika." He grabs onto my shoulders. "Promise me one thing: don't let Monika get hurt. Even though she may seem strong, she is vulnerable."

_Vulnerable? What does he mean by that?_

"What do you mean vulnerable?" I ask. He takes a deep breath.

"You know she is very popular and beautiful. When she left to find you, some jocks tried to drag her into their car for God knows what. She said some guy with a trenchcoat, top hat and cane knocked those guys out with ease. They were severely hospitalized from it."

_Sebastian. That's what he ment by that. God, he nearly killed those kids. I can't let that happen again._

"Don't worry. She will be safe by my side." He let's go of my shoulders and shakes my hand. We finish cooking dinner and we go eat with everyone else. I don't repeat my mistake I made and it turns out well.

"Kyle, I didn't know that you can cook." Monika saids. "I'm quite impressed." I smile.

The next hour is of us cutting up and enjoying time together with her family. To be honest, this feels...rather nice. It has been so long since I actually got to have fun with anyone. I have had to become an adult so fast and had depression, I forgot what this feeling was.

"Oh Kyle, I forgot. I was going to give you something." Reo saids. He walks upstairs and I wait for him I the living room. He comes back down with a guitar and hands it to me. "Why don't you play that song for us?"

I take it and play the song through their speakers. I strum the strings and I lose myself in the song. I let the lyrics flow through me like the wind blowing through a valley of flowers. I let the beat of the song match the beat of my heart. Before I know it, I become one with the song.

The song and I finish and I look at the family in front of me. They have stunned expressions on their faces.

"Well, how was it?" I say, breaking them out of their trances.

"I'm at a lost of words." Reo said. Everyone nods in agreement. I think that's the best response I got ever. I bow and put down the guitar.

After a couple hours, I see that it's starting to get dark. "Well, I guess I better get home. Thanks for having me." Everyone waved at me and I leave the house. I start to walk away when Monika calls out and walks to me, holding my hand.

"Thanks for what you did today. I know it must have been difficult, but I hope that you feel better now." She saids. I can see her starting to blush.

_Monika, you better stop looking cute like this. It's making me feel a certain way._

I feel her hand start to leave. "Well, I will see you tomorrow." She pulls away but I don't let go. She looks at me. "Uh, Kyle..."

"I love you so much." As soon as those leave my lips, I pull her in and embrace her with a kiss. I feel her arms go around the back of my neck, as if she is holding onto me. The burning passion I have for her can't be described.

After several seconds, we split apart. I can hear her breathing heavy from that. She giggles while her face is red as a tomato. Such a beautiful girl.

"Goodnight Kyle." She saids, smiling ever so sweetly.

"Goodnight beautiful." I respond. She giggles a bit more before walking into her house. I make my way down the street, feeling like the luckiest man alive. Nothing can take this feeling away from me.

~~_**We'll see about that! This isn't over!** _ ~~


	12. Confrontation

I get home, still feeling overjoyous about how today has turned out. I couldn't be more happy with my life then right now. I'm sure if I keep going like this, I'll fight off my depression in no time.

 "So, you seem happy." Sebastian saids. "Why? What did you do? Put your problems on others, making them worry more about you, you selfish prick?"

"They actually care. I'm not going to listen to your lies anymore. I'm with Monika, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen." I explain. This thing won't corrupt my mind.

"She is only with you because she feels sorry for you. You took advantage of her vulnerability." He saids. I start to develop anger.

"I took advantage of her? Funny coming from you who nearly killed a group of kids in front of her. By the way, what the fuck was wrong with you? You had a fucking bullet hole through both sides of your head."

He grins. "That was you almost succeeding getting rid of me. Your lucky that bullet was a misfire. I just want to see you suffer."

_Suffer eh? I can use this to my advantage._

"Making me suffer will only cause Monika to suffer. Is that what you want?" I walk in front of a mirror to see him what an unusual expression on his face.

"She doesn't really love you. She can't!" I can hear the desperation in his voice.

"She does. Her family forgives me and wants me to be happy with her. If you try to make me suffer, you'll only hurt Monika. And considering you put my thoughts on the poem she read, you like her too."

I can see the look of defeat on his face. "Your right. I do care about her. But this can't be the end of me. You created me in your mind through your depression. Causing pain is the only thing I know what to do, but Monika makes me want to become good. That's why I'm like this every time I'm not around her."

I just look at the reflection of my evil self. This is one thing I don't have an answer for. I have another version of me that lives inside of me. Technically, he actually comes alive when I let him take control, but I don't want to risk anything happening to me or him.

"I...I don't know what to do. If anything's happens while you're  _me_ , then we both die." I explain. "Do you have any possible alternative?"

"Could you possibly transfer me to someone deceased? I can take over their body and make myself into someone."

"I don't even know if that is possible. I guess I can research the possibility of that." I say.

He sighs. "Then that leave the one option. If I want to break free, then I have to break myself from your mind."

I really don't like the sound of this. "What do you mean? How?" I ask.

"I'm another personality of you. If I force myself out of your mind, then I'm free. Only problem is, this is really going to fucking hurt both of us, but we won't die. Ready?"

"Fuck it. Better now than never." He nods and starts.

 _Well, this isn't_   _so bad. Why was he sayi_ -

"AHHHhhhHh!!!" I can feel my head hurt badly. It's like...something trying to...break free from me. It hurts so much. I can feel something forcing it's way out of me. "STOP! AHHHH!"

After what feels like an eternity, it stops. All I hear is silence around me. "Sebastian, you there?" Silence. "Hello? Anybody?" Still nothing. "Please answer me."

"I'm here." I turn around and see him, standing there. "Thanks for this. I'm free now."

"What now?" I ask.

"I leave and put myself into someone no longer living. See you later." He leaves me standing there in my house. I don't know what to make of what just happened. I'm free from the biggest source of depression I had. I still have some, but I'm sure therapy will fix that.

I go lay down and think about what has transpired today. Today is surely a day to remember. The most important thing is that I'm with Monika. I can't help but smile as I drift off into sleep.


	13. Day Of Suprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a while to write. I just didn't know what direction I was wanting to take Sunday, but I stuck with this. I could have done a better job if I didn't have such a massive writer's block, but it is what it is.

Its Sunday, so I assume that means that Monika is coming to do some preparations for the festival. I really don't know what to expect to be doing for the festival however. I'm sure Monika will find something that we can do.

_Maybe she could come spend the night here._

What!? No, keep your head straight Kyle. You just got with her, so don't try to come up with anything like that yet. Relationships take time to even get up to that point.

I hear my door ring and I suddenly expect that it is Monika. I look in the mirror. "Ok, look presentable. Let's do this." I open the door and I see some kid standing in front of me. He has a similar look in me, just has a bit more muscle. "Excuse me, but who are you?"

He steps closer. "Its me, Sebastian. Turns out I I didn't need another body to latch onto. I just started to form myself an image. Almost like I was some form of code.

_...some form of code. Weird he saids that. Don't know why._

"That's great. Where are you living now?" I ask.

"I...I don't yet. Tomorrow, I will find down place to live. Just for tonight, can I stay for tonight?"

"Yeah, sure you can. You know Monika is coming here in a little bit. So, what are you going to do?" Before he could answer, I hear Sayori coming through the door.

"Hey Kyle, how are you doing?" Sebastian looks at her and his eyes widen. Sayori sees him. "I'm sorry. Who is your friend?"

Sebastian looks at me and nods. "C-call me Henry." He gets up and shakes her hand. "And your name is?"

"Sayori. I'm Kyle's friend and have been for a long time." She looks at me. "Kyle, your friend is awfully nice. Kinda reminds me of you."

I notice that Sebastian is starting to sweat a little bit. I wonder what is wrong with him. "Hey Henry, why don't you hang out with Sayori for a while since Monika's coming over?"

"I-I wouldn't mind. What about you S-Sayori?" Sebastian saids.

_Stuttering? When has he became nervous to where he stuttered? Maybe actually being someone is making him a bit on edge._

"That would be fun. Maybe we can go to the park. C'mon, let's go." Sayori saids eagerly. She walks out and Sebastian follows her. I hope they have a good time.

A little while later, as suspected, Monika arrives. I open the door to see her wearing a black dress.

_Monika, you look so much like a goddess, its actually hard for me to keep a straight mind._

"Hey Kyle, how are you doing?" She asks. With my head in the clouds, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"My God." I said. She looks around and on her.

"What? Is something wrong?" She asks.

"You look so beautiful every time I see you." I respond. She giggles a bit and blushes.

_So much for keeping it together Kyle. Don't make things awkward already._

"Well, I try to look my best for the ones I love." She responds. I step aside and let her walk in. "So are you ready to get started?"

"I really don't know what we are suppose to be doing for the festival." I tell her.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to do anything besides admire Monika. No matter what, she is so effortlessly stunning to look at. She is the definition of beauty in every way.

"We are just making a few more decorations and checking Sayori's work on the pamphlets." She responds. "Maybe after that, we could do something...fun" She said in a slutty tone.

_What does she mean by fun? And why did she say it in that way? Maybe she is just teasing me._

"O-ok. Sounds like a plan." I reply. Only now do I notice that she has a bag with stuff in it and poster paper. I must have been so lost in her beauty that I didn't even notice she was holding those.

I take the poster board and bag and lead her up to my room. I finally got around to cleaning it for once, so now it doesn't look like someone had died in the room.

She shows me what she had planned for the posters. "Its really simple. Just put glue into words that you think would represent the club in a good way and pour this glitter over it. See?" I look down and see that she had written the word "Love" on it.

I have a hunch on why she wrote that. "Would 'love' best describe the club?" I ask.

"No. I wrote it for you because that's how I feel." She saids as she flashes another smile at me. 

Excatly what I expected. "Knew it." With that, she goes to make progress on the posters. I follow suit but I couldn't help but to take additional glances at her. I try to write words that would represent what the club best.

"Looks like we are almost done. How is it going Kyle?" Monika asks. I see that she has so many done compared to my fair amount.

"Its fine." I say. I suddenly notice that she has glitter on her dress around her chest area. "Monika, your dress..."

She looks down and notices it. "No, not my favorite dress. I hope it is able to wash off."

"Don't worry, I'll get a towel for that." I get up and walk to my bathroom and dampen the end of it with hot water. I walk back in and hand her the towel.

"I don't think I'll be able to get it from this angle. Can you help me with this?" She asks.

_If she is insisting on it, then I guess it wouldn't hurt._

I take the towel and carefully wipe the glitter away. I'm burning up from the situation that I'm in. Even though we are together, this is not something that I would imagine me doing.

After I got the worst of it, I notice she had some more on the side of her face. Since I'm already thos far, might as well clean that off as well. I put the towel on her face, trying to clean it off, suprised that it got off fairly easy.

I start to retract my hand, but she grabs my wrists. "Just...can you hold it there for a little longer? It feels nice." I hold the towel beside her face for a bit longer.

Use her state at me with an expression I had never seen before. Like she is lost in a daze of her thoughts and feelings. I see her breathing through slightly parted lips.

I suddenly notice her face is more closer to mine. "S-sorry Kyle. I just...got a lit-"

She gets cut off by me kissing her. I hear her squeal in suprise but quickly turns into a moan. I didn't think I was going to do anything like this today, but I don't care. I quickly drag both of us up to our feet, still kissing. I bring her to my bed and lay there with her in my arms.

We finally break for air, but that doesn't stop both of us. We continue to kiss while stopping for breath. I can clearly tell this is something that she wanted today as much as I did. But is this the right thing to do...

My thoughts are stopped by the knocking on the door. We both stop and make our way downstairs.

_I swear if this is Sebastian, I am going to be pissed._

I wish it was when I opened the door.


	14. Getting Rid Of The Past

I open the door, regrettably. "Hey there Kyle, how are you doing?" A woman said with a man standing right beside her. I am filled with anger the moment I see my parents.

"What the fuck are you doing here Ishiro and Elyssa? What hellhole did you get dragged out of?" I said. They look at me in shock. I turn around to make sure Monika is a far distance away. I close the door so I'm outside with them, before locking the door in case something happens to me.

"How dare you say something like that?! We are your parents! We raised you!" Ishiro, my father,  saids.

"Wow! You raised a child for 8 fucking years. BRAVO!" I start to clap slowly for a few seconds. "And what happens then? You ran the fuck away from me! I had to raise myself, you trailer park rejects!"

"What are we suppose to do? We didn't have any money to take care-" Elyssa starts to speak, but I interrupt her.

"You used it for fucking drugs! Your nothing but a bunch of fucking shitty parents!" I scream at them.

"We are shitty!? You're the one to talk, you fucking disgrace of a child! We got called by police to try to find you!" Ishiro said.

_What the fuck are they talking about?_

"What the hell are you talking about? You should be arrested, you fucking junkies!" I yell at them.  Ishiro smacks me with the back of his hand, sending me falling against his door. Elyssa pulls out a gun and has it pointed at me.

"We know that! But we won't get a worse charge than you! One of those kids you attacked got out in a coma, 2 won't be able to walk the right way again, and one is paralyzed from his waist down!" She screams.

I get back up and look at her. "I didn't do that! Never!"

"Oh really? Then who Kyle?" Ishiro asks.

"That would be me." I hear a familiar voice say. My parents turn around and suddenly have terrified expressions on their faces. I look to see why and I see Sebastian, only...he is me, with those crimson red eyes. "I did that and with pleasure. I wouldn't want the one he loves to be hurt." She smiles sadistically.

"What...the...fuck...are you?!" I can hear Ishiro's voice cut up form fear in his sentence. He pulls out his own gun.

"What am I? I am Sebastian, and I am free." He grabs Elyssa's gun and throws it to the side. Before Ishiro can pull the trigger on his, I tackle him to the ground, knocking the gun to the ground.

"You...bastard. You did this to me. Now you will feel my anger!" I snap and start punching him in the face. I can feel my anger go through me like a river flowing freely, not stopping at any time. Before I know it, 10 seconds had past, and he was covered in blood.

"You bastard! Die!" Elyssa screams facing me. All of the sudden, she gets knocked out cold by...Monika?

"Your not touching him. Not ever." She said. Although she is a very beautiful girl, something about that seemed to given me an weird sensation. I look at Elyssa, who hasn't moved since she got punched.

_Damn. She is stronger than I thought._

Soon later, police came and arrested them, questioned both me and Sebastian, which we had to lie to make sure we both didn't get arrested as well, and it was over.

"Think they will believe them?" Sebastian asks. I chuckle a bit.

"Even if those psychos tell them the truth, they are so drugged and already have many records on them, they will be there for a long time." I explain.

"Well, what now? Both of you know my real name, but Sayori doesn't." Sebastian said.

"Well, go tell her your real name. Don't see what the problem is." I respond. He has a down look on his face.

"If I tell her my real name, she will wonder why my name matches the one of your other personality, which is me." Now that he saids that, I wonder how Monika is perceiving him right now. I turn and look and see she is not looking happy with him.

_Maybe I have a way to solve this._

I pull Sebastian close to me. "Tomorrow, you should join the club. If you do that and show the good in you, maybe Monika and Sayori will lighten up to you." I can tell he wants to refuse, but he also knows I'm right.

"Fine. If that's what it takes." He tells me. He goes and makes his way to Sayori's house to tell her the same. I turn around and walk to Monika.

"Sorry that you had to see that. I hope this doesn't change anything between us." I say.

She walks over to me. "It doesn't. I just hope your okay." I chuckle.

"Make sure _I'm_ okay? You just knocked out my mother cold." I look at her hand. "I hope your hand doesn't bruise because of that." She smiles warmly at me before embracing me in a passionate kiss. There went my worries out the window.

We stop and smile at each other. "I'll see you at the festival." She saids. She hugs me and walks away. All I do is watch her walk away. I could see her walk all day long. With her dazzling eyes, soft spiky hair, her thick thighs...

"Kyle, you good?" Sebastain asks, snapping his fingers in front of me. I break out of whatever daze I was in. "Jesus, what were you thinking of?"

"Monika." I said simply. He laughs out loud.

"My God Kyle. You are so lost in her, are you?" He asks.

"Aren't you though? After all, you came from me."

"No, not really. I think I actually have another interest in some other girl." He responds.

I really wasn't expecting that. I would've pushed on so I would know, but I was getting tired. "Well goodnight." I walked upstairs and eventually fell asleep.


	15. No Better Feeling Than Being Free.

I wake up to the smell of something cooking. I take a look on my phone to check the time. "5:30? What the hell?" I get up and walk downstairs to find Sebastian cooking. "Bro, what are you doing up this early?"

He speaks without turning his head away. "I get up early all the time. Plus, I figure I would show some nice gesture." I look at his food and am suprised bu how well of a cook he is.

"So your fixing an omelet?" I ask. He nods. "That's fine by me. Looks like your doing well so you just finish up. I'm going to go get something."

I go upstairs and look through my closet. If he is going to my school, then he has to have a uniform of some sorts. I pick a pair that looks like he would fit in and go back downstairs. "I got you a uniform. Gotta have one to attend our school." I place it on the couch and sit at the table in the kitchen.

He gets done a few minutes later and comes back to the table. He serves us both and sits down on the opposite side. I must say, this is actually pretty damn good. I look at him to see he is staring into nothingness.

_I gotta know what he is thinking and feels right now._

"Hey Sebastian, can I ask you a few questions?" He snaps out of his daze and nods. "Were you always ment to be...bad?" He looks down like he is thinking and finally responds.

"No, I wasn't. I remember the day I was created. You didn't have any friends, so you came up with an imaginary one, me, and called me Sebastian. I was like that until your depression got worst, which corrupted me. It turned me into the evil that I once was a couple days ago."

"What is it like to be free?"

He chuckles a bit. "Words can't describe the feeling of how it is. It's a new type of feeling that is the most joyous."

One more question. How did Sayori take to you after you told her." He shifts around in his seat with an uncomfortable look.

"Well, it turned out like I expected. When I told her that I was the Sebatian that was causing you pain, she did not take to that well. I wouldn't blame her, considering she is your childhood friend. But I told her that I was considering joining the club so she can see that I'm no longer like that."

"Well let's just finish up and well make our way to the school." I said.

Sebastian has a worried look on his face. "What about you? Your dating the most popular girl on school. How is that going to work out with all the damn jocks?"

I slightly laugh. "They won't do anything. If they do, I'll handle it." He shakes his head.

"No, you have too much to lose. I'm not going to have you getting in trouble unnecessarily. I'll deal with them." He said.

I look at him. "How are you going to handle them? Surely not the same way again."

"No, I wouldn't do that again. But maybe this way will put fear in their eyes." He puts on his trench coat and makes his eyes crimson red. "No one is going to come around a couple with something out of Hell behind them."

"Your going to follow us?" I ask.

"Well I need to know my way around the school somehow." He replied. 

"I see. If that's the case, your helping me with those posters." He nods and gets up. I do the same and finish out what needs to be done. We gathered up the posters and made our way out the door.

"I should probably text Monika to let her know that I got this handled." I pull out my phone and text her.

_Me: Hey beautiful. Just letting you know that I got the posters, so you can make your way to school with no strain._

_Monika: Thank you Kyle. Your such a sweetheart._

_Me: I would do anything for you._

_Monika: Ehehe...I'm blushing so much right now._

_Me: Bet you look so cute right now._

_Monika: Ok, I'll see you at the clubroom. Love you._

_Me: You 2._

"Such a sweet girl you got there Kyle." Sebastian saids.

"You have no idea." I respond. We start to walk until Sayori comes up to us.

"Hey Kyle. How are you doing? And hi Sebastian." Sayori says.

"Fine. Just caring some posters to the club. You excited?" I ask.

"Excited? I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun!" Sayori saids. She spins around, being her cute, adorable self. Sebastian nearly trips watching her, which causes him to drop some of the posters.

"Oh, s-sorry about that." He frantically picks up the posters, but Sayori grabs one of them.

"Here you go Sebastian." She hands him the poster.

"T-thanks Sayori." He tells her.

_Sayori! You like Sayori! Oh my God. That is...wait, how should I take this?_

My question is left unanswered as we make our way to the school. Sayori does most of the talking while me and Sebastian listens. I can see that Sebastian is paying more attention than I am. He clearly likes Sayori.

Before I know it, we make it to the clubroom. Let's get started.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a heads up, I think I may make a series out of this storyline. I may make 2 more stories for this, which will be in Monika's and Sebastian's POV.
> 
> For Sebastian, I will make his storyline different than the others. I want it to be something different than what would be expected.
> 
> Please tell me if you would like to see this happen. Thank you.


	16. The Festival

We get into the club and the rest of the girls notice Sebastian immediately. "Hey Kyle, who is this?" Yuri asks.

"This is Sebastian, one of my friends. He was thinking about the club after the festival." I respond. This perks up Natsuki and Yuri, but Monika has a scowl look on her face.

_I need to convince Monika he is a good person now._

I walk up to Monika, which brightens up immediately. "Hey Kyle, I see you brought all of our stuff. Want to help me set it up?"

"No problem with that." I say. We go up to the back wall and begin hanging up the posters. She pulls up a desk and gets on top of it to hang more up.I don't even notice what she was doing until I look up.

_I can...almost see up her skirt! Wait, why am I freaking out? She's my girlfriend, so it couldn't be that bad. Maybe I shouldn't look up just on case._

I take a few steps back so I don't get any bright ideas. "That looks really nice." I say as she gets down. She looks up and smiles in response.

"So, you got the poem you are performing?" She asks me.

"Yeah, I got it in my ba-" I suddenly realize that I don't got my poem with me. "Oh no. I think I forgot it."

Sebastian chuckles a bit. "Yeah, you did, but don't worry. I picked it up before we left. You were so fixated on your girlfriend, you forget to get it."

I start ot blush a bit, knowing it was true. "Thanks Sebastian. That means a lot." I take the poem form him and notice he has his as well. "You actually wrote a poem?"

"Of course I did. If I wanted to join the club, then I might as well partake in some of the activities in it." He responds.

This takes me by suprise, but when I looked at Monika, she is even more suprised than me. She decides to break the weird tension builded up. "Okay everyone! Let's start this thing!"

* * *

The festival goes off well without a hitch. Before any of us notice it, it is over. "Man, glad that is over." Natsuki saids.

"That was...rather interesting." Yuri says. "Honestly, it was more fun than I thought." She goes and grabs one of the leftover cupcakes. As she eats it, some of the icing gets on her lips. "Oh no. Now I have to wash this off."

As she turns to head out Natsuki stops her. "I don't think so." As soon as she saids that, Sebastian walks in to Yuri and Natsuki kissing.

"Hey, sorry I'm-" He stops when he recognizes the scene. "Oh, that is an interesting site. Didn't know you girls were dating." As he saids that, they immediately stop and blush.

Natsuki looks pissed more than anything. "Go stick it up yours, you ass!" Sebastian starts laughing.

"Listen, I'm only teasing you guys. I think it's quite nice to see something like that. God knows I never experienced something like that."

Something about that last sentence made him seem off. I know he has only been  _free_ for 2 days, but he must have something planned out. I just don't know. I figure I would, considering I had to deal with him in my depression.

Just thinking about that, he is completely different than I thought. I mean, he looks so much like me, only his eyes and body figure. His eyes are tinted yellow, which is weird, considering they are always red. And he has more muscle mass than me, but not by much.

"Why is that Sebastian? Have you never been in a relationship?" Sayori asks. He looks at her with an unusual expression.

"Well...not really. I-it's been really hard for me to find someone who was actually interested in me." He responds. He looks at the ground, with a saddened expression. 

Sayori being the bright ball of sunshine, walks up to Sebastian and puts a hand on his shoulder. This takes him by suprise. "C'mon, I'm sure there is someone out there for you. Just have some faith."

Sebastian seems to have a smile on his face. Sayori has a lot of influence over anyone's mood. "T-thanks for telling me that. I can see why you and Kyle are good friends."

"Well, I guess we can share poems. Right Monika?" I ask. I suddenly realize she is not even in this class.

"Where is Monika?" Yuri asks.

"I got an idea. Don't worry, I'll be back." I say as I make my way out of the club. I walk back to the area where she was playing piano at. I walk around the corner to hear the slight melody of a piano playing. I stand beside the door to hear what seems to be the last bit of her song.

  _Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_Some things are meant to be_  
_Take my hand, take my whole life too_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you_

She really has a beautiful voice, that is for sure. Her song really brings that out in her. I knock on the door and open it. "Hey Monika."

Her expression turns from passionate to shocked. "K-Kyle! What are you doing here?"

"Well, you were running late again, so I figured you must have been here." I respond.

She looks at her watch and realizes the time. She quickly rushes all of her papers into the seat, which is honestly kinda cute to see her worried over such a little thing. But something isn't right to me.

_How the hell did she sneak out of the club without anyone knowing? Me, of all people, should have noticed she was gone. What the hell is wrong with me today? Has yesterday messed with my head a bit too much?_

"Geez, some president I am right? Running late to my own club?" She responds.

"Don't worry to much about it honey, it will be fine." I say, kinda suprising myself. Honey? I really did say that? Either way, it sounded right.

We make our way to the club room, with her expression changed again. At this point, I just want to get this over with so I can talk to her when i get home.

* * *

 

We were almost finishing up reading poems when I realize that Sebastian has yet shown mine. "Hey Sebastian, can I see your poem?" He looks at me, startled, but quickly settles.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Here you go." I hand him mine as I read his.

_What Is Free?_

_We all wish one day we can be free_  
_From this troublesome cage of life._  
_But how is this ment to be_  
_If what you see is not what you like?_

_Freedom has always had a price to pay_  
_Some in money, most in blood._  
_I seen that there was no other way_  
_As my hopes was away by a flood_

_How such a feeling to be free_  
_Something I longed for years._  
_But why did I wish for thos feeling_  
_If I knew what I found would give me fear._

_What the hell was this poem? I knew what he was trying to convey, but this is weird? Considering what he was saying yesterday._

"Sebastian, are you okay?" I ask. 

"Yeah, I am. Of course I am." He takes his poem and walks out the class. I'll question him later. But eventually, class ends and I walk home. Tomorrow is another day.


	17. Depression Shows No Mercy

As I woke up this morning, I felt...different. Like I shouldn't be here at all. What is going on?

_You should have died Kyle. Why didn't you? Stop delaying the inevitable._

Oh no. Not these thoughts again. I know that they are not true. I have everyone.

_Do you really think that anyone loves you? No one can love a failure like you. Monika will leave you soon. Don't worry, it will only get worse from here on out._

No, that's not true. Monika loves me and I love her. I'm not a failure.

_Then qhy did your parents run off? Let's face it: your family doesn't love you, Monika only got with you so you stay in the club, you gave Sebastian free will, only for him to regret it. You hurt everyone you know._

"Get...out...of...my head. Get out of my head." I start to say, clutching my head.

_Just die and this is all over. Stop being a fucking burden and get put down! Better yet, hang yourself next time! JUST DIE!!_

"Get out of my head! Get out of my head! Get our od my head! Get out of my head! GET OUT OF-" I don't finish as I get on my knees, screaming in pain.  Not any physical pain, but emotional pain. I just want this to stop, but it is really difficult.

Although I know I'm not alone, I am at the moment. It's too much to handle right now. I'm tired of being alone, of pushing everyone back. No, not pushing back, but dragging down. The pain is starting to take a toll on me yet again.

I just need a way to end the pain temporarily. I see a rather sharp pocket knife nearby. There, that is the only way, but I promised that I wouldn't do it. I go and pick it up, flick the blade open, and examine it.

"Fuck it! I need this to stop now!" I put the blade to my skin. As soon as I'm about to cut, my phone lights up to a message I just got. I look to see it was Monika.

_Monika: Hey Kyle, where are you at? I didn't see you here at first period. Let me know if your okay. Love you <3_

"What am I doing?" I ask myself as I look at the knife, pulling it away slowly. "This isn't right. Why does this always seem to be my last resort? I...I need help.

I put down the knife and text back.

_Me: Are you there?_

_Monika: Hey, are you feeling alright?_

_Me: No, I'm doing worst. Those...voices and thoughts are back. I need professional help._

Never thought I would say that in a million years.

_Monika: Stay there. I'm coming over and we're going to a therapist._

_Me: Okay. I love you. So much._

_Monika: Not as much as I do._

* * *

Man, I never thought I would be here. In a therapist office, asking for help. I don't know if this is the right thing, but I am running out of options. It dishearts me to know that Monika has to deal with this.

_Then you should have fucking died. This wasn't suppose to happen. But no bother, it won't help. You're still going to be a miserable person._

The female therapist walks in, to see me holding onto my head, as to silence the voices. "Hello Kyle." I stop immediately and stand up to shake her hand. "You can call me Susan. Please, have a seat." I sit back down as she makes her way to her seat. "So I heard a little bit about your problems, but can you explain them to be a little better?"

I kind of freeze up. I don't know what I'm about to do is right or not. It's really not helping considering now I don't have a choice. As if she notices I'm struggling, she speaks up. "Don't worry. I'm not going to judge you. That is something terrible people do."

I relax a bit and speak. "Well...I really don't know where to begin."

She crosses her legs. "Just start from the beginning."

This is going to suck, but I hope it helps.

"I guess it started when I was a little kid. I always was alone, even if I did have parents. So I tend to do what every kid does and make an imaginary one and called him Sebastian. But over time, I start to have that feeling of loneliness come more and more evident. Even though I made a real friend that I still have to this day named Sayori, I was getting more depressed.

"Then my family ran off on me, so I had to try to mature up fast. But that only added on and soon, my once imaginary friend became sort of a dark personality of mine, just torturing me, scraping at the walls of my mind. This kept on and on, not really getting worst since I distance myself as much as I could, but not getting better.

"Last week, it got worst in many ways. This girl I have had a crush on was President of The Literature Club and I joined that, which was the best yet worst thing that could happen. My thoughts kept on getting worst to the point I did this."

I roll up my sleeves to show the scars. "I had so much build up pressure that I needed a way to release it. I knew it was wrong, but I saw no other alternative. If faith had it, it got much more better when I realized that the girl, Monika, liked me as well. For the most part, nothing happened for a few days."

I stop and wait for her response. She seems to be deep in thought. Finally, she spoke up. "So, is this girl you like outside in the lobby?" I nod. "Such a sweet girl to do that. Now, with what you just told me, would you say that you still feel the same way? That you are depressed?"

"No, I'm perfectly happy, but this morning, those thoights came back. Not Sebastian anymore, but just my thoughts. I don't know why." I respond.

"Do you...still cut?" She asks carefully.

"No, I only did it twice." I respond. She takes note of that.

"When I walked in the room about 10 minutes ago...was that those thoughts coming back?" I nod. "What do they usually say?"

"Anything that can cause me pain. I know that they're not true, but it doesn't stop from hurting." I respond.

She takes a few minutes to respond. "Kyle, I know you already know you were depressed, but it seems like it actually is getting better. I'm going to write you a prescription for antidepressants, but what you really need is that girl outside."

I look at her confused. "I can't stay with her all the time. That won't help me with my problems."

She looks back at me. "Kyle, you don't know it, but you are improving so fast. This stuff is only seen once in a while. The prescription should help you minorly, but what seems to be helping you the most is the club and her. Stick with that, and I promise, you will get better."

I nod and walk out with the prescription. I see Monika sitting there, but she gets up as soon as she sees me. "Hey, how did it go?"

"It was good for the most part, but rather weird In the end." I tell her. She looks at me with a confused expression.

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"She gave me a prescription of antidepressants, but she told me that I need to be with you, because that seems to be helping me more. I'm going to let you know that I'm only with you because I WANT that, not because I NEED to."

She has a smile on her face. "I'm glad to hear that." I hug her when we leave the office and we make our way to fill the prescription.

* * *

 We make our way to the club, having been out for most of the day. When we get there, I see Sebastian and Sayori talking cheerily about something. Good thing he is here.

"Hey Sebastian, can I talk to you about something?" He looks over and nods. Me and him walk out the hallway. "What the hell is going on with you?"

He looks at me confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You have been really weird since you became...you. Your poem, some of the things you say. So tell me what is going on."

He sighs and looks down. "You ever felt like what you were wanting for so long that when you finally got it, it causes more problems than benefits?"

"I don't know what you mean by that. Can you explain what you mean?" I ask.

"I thought that I would be happy once I'm free, but there is many problems that only causes more pain. I never thought I would feel the things that I do." He saids.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Regret, loneliness, pressures bearing down on me. Why do I feel all of these?"

"That is what it means to be a person. All of these problems are all of what everyone goes through on a daily basis. You can't stop feeling these problems. All you can do is fight through these problems. Sayori will help you a lot. Plus, you can get closer to her like that." I tell him.

He looks at me. "O-okay. I'll try my best." I give him a hug so he doesn't feel alone. I just want him to be happy with himself with what he has wanted. I don't want him to try to do something I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole point of this chapter is suppose to be what would happen if the cycle of what DDLC is becomes broken after the festival, considering there never was suppose to be a festival in the game. This isn't actually suppose to be a in-game story, but I figured I add some sort of twist, considering Kyle never stop having depression, it was only numbed over by his love.
> 
> It's not going to get easier for him, unlike the therapist thinks. And Kyle is not going to be the only one affected. Who do you think is going to suffer as well?


	18. Love Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a bit of a warning. This chapter is close to or is NSFW. Hope you enjoy.

After 3 weeks, I feel no different. I thought that these antidepressants were suppose to help, but it only make it a mild pain. Sebastian got on the same brand as I did, but we still have our problems. He is at Sayori's at the moment while I am back at Monika's house. Her parents were out of town for the next few days and wanted her to say to watch over the house.

Because of them being gone, I have been visiting there frequently. Anything to keep my head clear. Being with Monika keeps me preoccupied so I don't have to focus on those thoughts. Honestly, it had been driving my weeks to see her. I just love her so much.

 We are watching some anime show at the moment. I didn't know that she even liked anime until a couple days ago. But it's nice to see that I can relate to her somehow.

_Considering you can't ever relate to her in any way. What a failure of a boyfriend._

No, stop. Not now. I'm with her.

_And you alone are going to tear your relationship apart. How would you feel if you made Monika have depression?_

Shut up. Shut up now! Stop it.

_It would be bad if you made her that way. Everyone would hate you. People would despise the fact that you live. So eventually, you'll take the end of a rope._

"Kyle, are you okay?" Monika asks me. She as a concerned look on her face.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I say. She doesn't buy it.

"Your lying. Kyle, what is wrong? Is it your thoughts?" She asks.

I really don't have a choice here. "Yeah, it is." I say with a sigh.

"What were they saying"

"What if you got depression because of me? I would be hated by everyone and meet my fate at the end of a rope." I tell her. "I don't want you to have to suffer like that. Honestly, how much more are you going to deal with me? Until you get tired and find someone else?"

She has a shocked look on her face. "Kyle! Why would you say that? I'm not going to find someone else like you. I love you and only you. I'll keep on dealing with this until the day we die."

Now I feel like an asshole. "Sorry Monika. I never ment for that to come out. I just...can't stand to see you feel the things I feel. It would devastate me to know you have depression."

"I won't. Just promise me you won't think like that again." She asks. 

"Okay, I promise." I respond. We hug for a little bit. I just melt away from her body heat. I love her so much, I can't take it anymore.

As soon as we break away, I kiss her. She seems shocked by it at first, but gives in to it instantly. My mind goes blank and the world fades around me. All I can think about is just Monika.

She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down with her on the couch. Somehow this makes this a bit more difficult and we have to stop for breath. But we really don't stop. We exchange kisses through recovering breaths. God, I didn't think today was going to turn out like this, but I'm glad it did.

Finally, we stop and she looks at me. "Well Kyle, we are this far. Why do we have to stop here?" I get the hit of what she is trying to say. I'm stunned.

"I-we-but-." I can't even speak.

She puts a finger on my lips. "Shhhh. Just follow me." She gets up and takes my hand to lead me upstairs.

_Oh fuck. This is really happening. Well, no turning back from this._

We go upstairs to her bedroom and I'm simply empressed by how nice it looks. I don't really get much time to admire it as she kisses me again. I put my arms around her to pull her in. I can feel her arms around me as well.

I start to put my hands down to the bottom of her shirt. I slip one of my hands underneath it and go up to her chest. As I do so, I here her give a content moan.

I then grab the bottom of her shirt and take it off her. I see that she is wearing a dark green bra. She giggles as she tries to cover her chest. I'm just simply lost for words to how beautiful she is. I always say she looks like a goddess but she definitely beats anything I've ever seen.

I go up to her and put her arms down. "No need to hide yourself from me. You're so beautiful." Before she can say anything else, I kiss her again. We stay like this for a while until I feel her hands at the bottom of my shirt.

_Fuck, what about my arms? I known she has seen them before, but it still doesn't make it any better. Breathe Kyle. It's not that much of a big deal._

She slides the shirt off me and I try to pay no attention to my arms. She stands back as to admire me. I notice she takes a glance at my arms and I suddenly feel self conscious about it. I start to rub my arms so I don't think too mu h about it.

She walks up to me and stops me. "Don't worry about that. I love you." She steps back and takes off her blue jeans. I'm stunned to see her like this. All I can do is stand here and look at her. Her elegant curves, her body, her green bra and panties.

I follow up by taking off my pants as well. I go up to her and start kissing her again. As we do so, I start to walk us to her bed. She suddenly falls back onto it, giggling. How can she be so cute without trying?

I get on top of her and keep kissing her. I can feel her arms around my back, pushing me down to her. Such a passionate woman to be with. She suddenly spins me around so she is on top of me.

"Never thought we would get this far so fast." She saids. I nod in agreement to her. She goes to reach around her back.

_Wait. Is she..._

I don't finish my thought as she takes off her bra and drops it on the ground. "Wow." That is all I can say. I can see she doesn't mind as she goes back down to kiss me again. I put my arms around her back to feel her silky, smooth skin. The feel of her is like a drug to me. I start to put my hands on her rear to pull her in, making her moan on response.

I spin her around so I'm back on top again. This time, I reach down to slip off her panties. I can hear her giggling as I do so. As I take it off, I take off the last bit of clothing I have.

I look at her emerald green eyes. No matter what, she is nothing but beauty to me. "Monika, are you sure?"

I can her speak through her shallow breaths. "G-go for it." I can here her say as if she is surrendering herself to me. As I do so, all I can think about is Monika.

Everything about her makes me love her. Until today, I always wondered if she ever loved me. If she would ever trust me with anything from her. Her life, her protection, her virginity. I love her as she loves me. All I need is just Monika. Just Monika.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so that happened. Don't know if I did well with this, but I ship it.


	19. What Will It Be?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little preview of one of the next stories that I will be writing. This is in Sebastian's POV, so you see more of what he actually feels. Let me know what you think about this.

**_Sebastian's POV_ **

I decided to go to church after my visit with Sayori. Maybe she is right and I just need some way to vent out my worries. Honestly, I really don't know why I am. I already know what this world is like anyways, but maybe I should try to believe in something.

I have tried to get closer to her, but I can still tell she has some resentment towards me, even if she doesn't admit it. I honestly can't blame her. I don't expect her to forgive me for doing what I did to Kyle, even if I never wanted to.

I wonder what Kyle is doing with Monika right now. I know he is still having some problems still, even though I don't exist in his mind. What a weird way for me to be free. It's a different feeling to know that my way of being free to make something of myself is to tear myself away from him.

Before I know it, I have made my way to a church. I really don't pay attention what the name is as I walk in. Figures there is no one is here on a Saturday. I feel uneasy as I made my way up to the front.

_Is this what people do? They pray to what they believe in so they can feel some relief? I don't know how well this will work for me._

I get to the front and get on my knees. I look up at the huge cross with Jesus on it. "What should I start with?" I take a few moments to collect my thoughts and begin to speak.

"God, I don't know you well. I don't even know if you are real. If I'm being honest here, it's hard to find anything real anymore since my creation. I try so hard to feel like it is, but it gets more difficult every day.

"And that is not the only thing that I have to worry about. I suffer from the same problems that Kyle does, but in different circumstances. Mine come from the fact that I was freed into a world that has no mercy, like I showed Kyle for most of his life.

"I have known him for as long as Sayori has. I never wanted to hurt Kyle like I did, but I was forced into it. At least he had Sayori. That girl has something special about her that makes like her so much. I know that I will never have a chance with her, so maybe I should stop trying to go for something that can't happen.

"I wish that he wouldn't feel the pain he does feel now, but I can't help that. I want us both to be free from this Hell that we have to endure every single day. I don't care what price I have to pay. Please...help me."

I feel tears go down my face. I never knew how much pressure I have held onto until now. I just want the best for everyone. Why can't I just have that? I will do anything to make sure that my friends are happy. Anything...please.

I hear the familiar voice that has been been talking to me since my creation.

_I'm sorry you have to feel the way you do. But in every story, no matter how happy or sad it is, there is always a loss, a death that occurs. Whether it is an actual death or the way they were is dead and something else is born, there is death. If you want to make everyone happy, especially Sayori and Kyle, people have to die. I know who you know that is. Do what has to be done to make sure they are happy._

 

 

 

"...Fine, I'll do it." I respond.


	20. The Mask Is Breaking

I am laying in bed right beside Monika. That was...I can't even describe the feeling that I feel right now. Joy? Excitement? Happiness? It doesn't matter right now. All I know is that my thoughts have subsided by a landslide for the time being.

I look at Monika and see her expression on her face. It matches mine perfectly as she smiles at me. "Kyle, that was...wow." We both laugh at that statement.  I don't think there is any better way to describe this feeling.

I pull Monika into my arms, making her giggle. "Well, how do you feel?" I ask as I stroke her soft hair.

"Pleased." She replied with a smile that speaks more words than she ever could. "Just a little bit sore."

"I know. This will do." We hold each other in our arms for a long time, exchanging kisses every now and than. I can't do anything but stare into those damn eyes of hers. No matter what situation, I know she will always be there for me as I will be for her.

But...I still worry. This thing that is happening to me and Sebastian, it's not normal. Is this even depression? Or is it something far more sinister than we could ever imagine? I can imagine at the moment, he is doing fine with Sayori, but how does she feel?

"Kyle, is everything okay?" Monika asks me. I snap out of my train of thought and respond.

"Yeah, but..." I sit up. "I'm still concerned about everything that is happening. I don't know if what I'm used to feeling is even depression anymore. I wouldn't think that if it wasn't for Sebastian and some things he saids."

Monika sits up as well. "What does he say?"

I sigh. "When I first met him when he was...him, he said that he felt like he was wrote into this world like some form of code. I though nothing of it, but his first poem was...odd. I wonder if he feels like it was a mistake for him to even have a chance of living a life full of happiness."

She has a distant look on her face, something that I never seen before. "Maybe he is questioning his reason to even live."

"What do mean by that?"

"Look at it this way. You said he was your friend for some time until you became depressed because your parents left. This completely changed him and made him turn into the way he was: trying to drain any happiness out of you. When someone has that mindset and is given a chance to change, that can devastate them."

I'm completely blown away. I never thought of it that way. But if that is the case, what will he try to do? There is only so much one person can handle before everything comes crashing down. Then again, what does that mean for me?

"Your probably right. We'll have to ask him tomorrow. For now, I don't want to worry about that right now." I tell her.

"Your right. I'm just enjoying our time together." She replied with a smile. She gets up and goes to her shower. I can't help but to feel relieved that I have someone to help me with these problems. But I should be the same for Sebastian the same that she is for me.

* * *

Its Monday now. Luckily, it's almost the end of the day, so we can go to the club. I am kinda worried now because Sebastian hasn't said anything. I don't know why, but he seems like he is hiding something that he doesn't want to share.

I am his last class and I notice he is keeping his head down. What is going with him? I was going to walk up to him when I see something bounce off him. I look to see the direction  of what it was.

"Oh no." I mumble to myself. It's a few rambunctious kids trying to cause something. I can't let them keep pressuring him. But there is nothing I can do. There is only 2 minutes left.

_Just hold on a bit longer. Don't do anything that will fill you with regret._

Another kid launches something at him. It looks like their shooting paper st hom with rubber bands. Damn kids. One minute left. The same group of kids launch more at him. I can see his eyes starting to turn red again.

_Don't do it. Any more and you will regret what comes next kids._

A kid loads up another one. I grab a pencil from my desk and throw it at his face. As soon as it hits him, the bell rings. I grab Sebastian and lead him as far away as I can and as close to the clubroom. 

"Let...go...of...me!" Sebastian saids. He is really pissed off.

"I can't let that happen. I know what you will do." I drag him into the bathroom to let him catch his breath. He looks down into the sink and back up to the mirror. His eyes are fine now.

"Kyle, why is this happening to me? Why am I having to suffer the way I am? Why did this happen to me?" Sebastian asks. I don't know what he is talking about.

"What do you mean? Nothing is happening to you." I tell him.

He shakes his head furiously. "You don't understand.  ~~I killed your parents.~~ I just want everyone to be happy, but it is really difficult.  ~~Why is this a story?~~ Why does everything have to hurt?  ~~I should just die so the pain will stop.~~ Nothing is helping me." He is crying now.

_Just how much do you suffer from? What can I do to help the pain?_

I turn him around and hug him. I don't know what is happening to him, but I want it to stop. All I want is my friend to be happy.

"Sebastian, I'm here for you, so don't worry. Whatever is hurting, we'll figure it out together. That's what friends are for." I let go and see that he has stopped crying.

"So, you ready for the club?" He asks. I nod and we make our way into the club. I just can't help but wonder that he was trying to tell me something but he couldn't. Hopefully, he will be able to tell me someday.


	21. Save Yourself From Me

We walked into the club, but I can tell the tension coming from Sebastian was not getting any better. He kept glancing over his shoulder on the way to the club, but as soon as he saw Sayori in the club, he brightened up quickly. I also saw that Sayori had the same expression from her face to Sebastian.

_Looks like they finally reached some good ground with each other._

I think nothing else of it and walk up to Monika. "Hey beautiful. How are you doing?"

She looks up and smiles. "Oh nothing important. Just trying to finish up some paperwork." I look down and see the amounts of paperwork she has piled up.

"Oh geez. Well, the least I can do is help you or keep you company." I tell her.

"Doesn't sound bad to me." She replies. I sit down and take some of the paperwork.

_Looks fairly simple to me. It honestly looks like all of this could be done in a few minutes. She made it seem like it would take forever. So why would she--_

My thoughts get interrupted by a hand on my lap. I look down. "Uh Monika, what are you-"

She puts a finger on my lips. She whispers in my ear. "Just follow me." I nod and we both stand up. "Don't worry everyone. Me and Kyle will be back."

We start to walk out the room. "Don't be doing anything bad you two lovebirds." Natsuki saids. Her and Yuri start giggling. Monika rolls her eyes and leads me out the room.

"So what are we doing?" I ask.

She looks at me with a smile. "I know you have heard me play a little bit of piano. I figure I show you a song I have been working on." Before I have a chance to reply, she takes my hand and runs to the piano room, leading me to the room.

We reach it in a few minutes. I wouldn't say I'm out of breath, but I have never seen Monika in such a hurry to do something. I can't complain because she wanted me to listen to her. I would do anything to listen to her every day.

After a minute of arriving, she looks at me. "You ready Kyle?" I nod. She begins to play a few keys before singing. 

 

_Wise men say only fools rush in_  
_But I can't help falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay?_  
_Would it be a sin_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you?_

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_Some things are meant to be_  
_Take my hand, take my whole life too_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you_

I can't believe what I had just heard. It was so beautiful hearing her sing. I don't know why she had ever hid such a talent from me, let alone the rest of the club.

"So, how was it?" Monika asks me. I don't even say anything. I walk up to her. "Kyle, is everythi-" She doesn't finish her sentence as my lips cover hers. Words can't simply describe how well she is, so I have to show it. 

I try to break away, but she pulls me back in. The moment is so passionate. I stand her up and hold her in my arms. Everytime we kiss, it always feels so great. I'm not sure what excatly it is: the sensation of her tongue in my mouth, the taste of her lips, or how well of a kisser she is. Actually, it must be Monika.

After many seconds, we break away. "You play so great Monika." I tell her. "There is nothing you can't do that is so beautiful."

She blushes. "Well, I was thinking about us when I made this song." I brush her hair so I can look at her eyes. "Your such a good kisser Kyle." We stand there, looking at each others eyes for a few minutes until my phone buzzes. I take it out to see that Sebastian sent me a message. 

_Sebastian: Hey Kyle, I went up to the roof to get some air. I'll be back in a few, so don't come up here._

I look at the time. "He sent this 10 minutes ago. Weird." I look at Monika. "We better get back to the club. Don't want to have to worry the others." We leave the room and start to head back to the club.

On the way there, we meet up with Sayori. She looks worried. "Hey guys, where is Sebastian?"

"He went up the roof. Why?" I ask.

"He was sitting at his desk, writing something and left it at the desk. It's so odd. Here, look." She hands me the paper. 

  _VGhlIFRoaXJkIEV5ZQ0KDQpJIGNhbid0IHN0b3AgdGhpcyBmZWVsaW5nIGFzIEkga25vdyBldmVyeXRoaW5nIGlzIG5vdCByZWFsLiBXaHkgY2FuJ3QgSSBzdG9wIHRoaXMgcGFpbj8gSSBhbHJlYWR5IGtub3cgdGhlIGFuc3dlciwgYnV0IEkgY2FuJ3QgZmF0aG9tIGl0LiBUaGUgZHJlYW1zIGFyZSBiZWNvbWluZyBtb3JlIG9mIGEgcmVhbGl0eSB0byBtZS4gVGhlIFRoaXJkIEV5ZSBpcyBkcmF3aW5nIG1lIGNsb3NlciB0byB0aGUgYnJpbmsgb2YgaW5zYW5pdHkuIFdoZW4gaXQgZG9lcywgSSB3aWxsIGJlIHJlYm9ybi4NCkhlbHAgbWUuIEhlbHAgbWUuIEhFTFAgTUUh_

_What the hell? What the fuck is this poem? Why is it encrypted?_

I take it to a empty classroom and put it on my desk. Monika and Sayori follows me. I used to play games that had some stuff encrypted in it, so I downloaded an app to decode it. I scan the paper and get the text part of it.

_The Third Eye_

_I can't stop this feeling as I know everything is not real. Why can't I stop this pain? I already know the answer, but I can't fathom it. The dreams are becoming more of a reality to me. The Third Eye is drawing me closer to the brink of insanity. When it does, I will be reborn._  
_Help me. Help me. HELP ME!_

* * *

  _Oh my God! What the fuck is this suppose to mean? Sebastian needs help, fast!_

I turn to Monika. "Get the rest of the club and meet ms up on the roof." I turn to Sayori. "You, follow me. He needs help." Monika runs out the room. Me and Sayori run out as well and make our way to the roof.

We make our way up the stairs. Up the way there, I hear some groaning. I continue to make my way upstairs. Close to the entrance, I hear Sebastian. "So, do you have anything else to say before you meet your fate!?"

Me and Sayori stop. I hear a kid laughing. "Your lucky that you where there to save Monika that night. If you didn't, we would have fucked her pure, hot body raw. Such innocence ruined."

I open the door and am shocked by what I see. There are several kids knocked out on the ground. I look at Sebastian and see he has a kid in his grasp. He throws him to the side of the wall, knocking him out.

"What the hell happened Sebastian?" I ask him. He turns around to see me and Sayori.

"Most of these kids where going to kidnap Monika that night. The others were just going to try to beat the hell out of me. Even with knives, they can't kill me." He explains.

"What is wrong with you? What was that paper about?" I ask.

He looks down. "Isn't it obvious? I think I finally lost it. My life is just being wrote in for no reason. I can't find any happiness in this world. My dreams are always about The Third Eye. Nothing can help me."

"We can help you Sebastian. Just let us, please." Sayori pleads. "You know that we care about you. You know that I love you."

Sebastian looks happy but still sad. "I love you too, but I can't make you suffer as well. You already fought depression and won." As he continues to talk, the rest of the club follows up as well. "I can't get rid of mine. Kyle, do you still have depression?"

Know that I think about it, I haven't had any depressing thoughts today or yesterday. Why is that? "Not recently have I had any depressing thoughts? I don't know why."

"Simple. I got rid of the one thing that birth your depression. Your parents." I am shock because I know what he means by _getting rid of them._ "There is only one way that I can get rid of mine. End myself."

"No Kyle. Don't do that. There has to be another way." Sayori said in a hurry. "Don't think that. Please."

Sebastian walks up to her. He brushes her bangs to the side to look at her. "Such a bundle of sunshine trying to light up infinite darkness. Your an angel, but I'm the equivalent to the Devil. There is nothing that can help me."

Sayori looks like she is on the verge of tears. She gives him a big hug. "I don't want to lose you. I got to know you so well the past few weeks. Not only that, I got the chance to love you. Please don't do that."

She is now crying. For the first time in many years, she is actually crying. I don't blame her. He has been such an influence to the club. Sebastian has a smile on his face.

"Sayori, I loved you the first moment you walked into Kyle's house. Spending the time I have with you has been the greatest thing that has happen to me." Sebastian sighs. "I want to be with you, but I don't want to hurt you."

"If I was afraid of you hurting me, would you think I would do this?" Sayori asks him. Before he can answer, she kisses him, making his eyes brighten up. He quickly embraces it, wrapping his arms around her.

_I hope Sebastian doesn't think that she is doing this because she didn't want him to kill himself. She had told me many times that she felt like she was falling for him._

After several seconds, they stop, smiling at each other. "Do you really want to be with me?" Sebastian asks. She nods. "Ok then. Maybe I can fight this off."

"I know you can. We will do it together." Yuri saids. The rest of us nod to this comment.

"Don't think this is over." We all turn around to see one of the kids with a gun. "You won't get away with this Sebastian. You stopped us once, but not again."

He points the gun at him and tries to pull the trigger. It doesn't fire. "Why isn't this working?" The moment he starts to look at the gun, Sebastian starts to run at him. He takes the safety off, but as soon as he looks up, Sebastian tackles him off the roof.

_No. Please tell me he is okay. Don't be dead._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm close to ending this story. I wish I could have done a better job with this. Maybe the other's can compensate for this. Who knows?


	22. The End Is Near

It's been nearly two weeks since the incident. We all visit him every day after school, but Sayori has been in the hospital waiting for him to wake up from his coma. The other kid didn't survive the fall. Sebastian was lucky enough to have landed on top of him, but the impact still knocked him out.

As for the rest of those knocked out kids, they are all in juve. They confessed what the kid said was true. Plus, since they brought weapons on school grounds, they are also charged for attempted murder.

In reality, that doesn't matter. Sebastian is in this shape because of me. I should have been the one to protect everyone. He has put his life on the line many times, and now it nearly cost him his own. He was finally able to have a life happy with Sayori.

My mind keeps on having all of these scenarios that could've happened as I walked through the hospital. It takes a few seconds to finally reach his room. I open up to see Sayori looking at him. She immediately turns her head to me and flashes me a sad smile.

"Hey Kyle. How was your day?" She asks. I put my bag beside an empty chair.

"Same thing every day." I sigh. "Has the doctors said anything about his condition." Sayori stops smiling and puts on a serious face.

"They said that he is getting worse. Better in health, but his mind is...different. Whatever dream he has had for the past few weeks is making a dent in him waking up." She saids.

"I don't know what he keeps dreaming about, but I know what it is about. This thing he saids about The Third Eye was actually a scientific project called Project Libitina. Apparently, this person had some control of this thing they called The Third Eye, so they ran so many test on this person, trying to control it or take it. They described it to be their God.

"Only problem about this is it actually hasn't been confirmed yet. It's basically a myth that people believe to be real. This only started to happen when he was...when he was separated from me. So it must be real."

I did so much research on this as soon as he landed in the hospital. I even tried to look into one of Yuri's books to see if it had some link to it. I just want him to wake up. I prayed to God every day, begging, pleading for him to wake up. I want to see the smile of their faces because they are together.

"So, you and him are...together then. How does that feel?" I ask, trying to break the tension.

Sayori flashes me a grin. "Kyle, we been together a lot longer than you think."

That took me by suprise. "Really? How long than?"

"We have been together for a week. We just didn't want to announce it yet." She replies.

Well, they are good at hiding something like that from me. I never even knew that they were dating before all of this. "You sure have a talent of hiding things from me."

Sayori gasps and playfully punches me in the arm. "I would never do such a thing." She giggles a bit. "It is nice though. Being with him the way we have been. I never found myself unattractive, but he makes me feel like I won a beauty pageant. He has such a way with words."

"I am glad to hear that from you. You deserve to be happy." I look at Sebastian. "You and him."

She smiles genuinely for the first time since I walked in here. "I know. After this, we'll be together forever. We'll never be apart."

"Sayori, that's nice to-" I get caught off as Sebastian slings forward, gasping for breath. We look at him, suprised and happy. "Oh fuck, you're awake!" Me and Sayori rush towards him, hugging him tightly.

I let go, but Sayori doesn't as she breaks down in tears of joy. I start to tear up a bit, but I don't cry. Sebastian seems to be crying as well. They hold each other in their arms for several minutes before Sayori looks up at him.

"Sayori...how long was I out?" He asks.

"2 weeks." She replies.

"Thank God. I was so scared. I never thought I was going to wake up. It would have devastated me if I didn't." He was going to speak more, but Sayori put a finger on his lips.

"Shhhh. Your awake now. That's all that matters." She tells him. She takes her finger away and kisses him. Sebastian wraps his arms around her and lays down on the bed, bringing her on top of him. She giggles from this.

"Ahem!" I grunt loudly. "You know I'm still in here, right?" They don't acknowledge me. "Can't you save that for home?" Sayori perks her head up to my direction. She looks down at Sebastian.

"Don't worry. This can wait till home." She tells him.

* * *

After several hours later, Sebastian was able to leave. I had called the rest of the club to tell them that he was awake. Sayori left to go to the rest of the club to prepare a "Welcome Home" party. Although, Sebastian seems a bit off. He feels so out of place right now. I took him to the park to make him feel a bit relaxed.

"Hey Sebastian, is everything ok? You seem off." I ask. He shoots me a look that I knew instantly, like it was obvious he was off. "Well, I know you woke up from a coma 5 hours ago, but besides that?"

He sighs. "Something is different about me. I've...changed since 2 weeks ago."

"What do you mean?"

"You know that poem you decoded? The part where I said I would be reborn?" I nod. "Well, now I can do things no one else could do. Watch." He point to a flower in front of us and snaps his fingers. As soon as it does, it flower wilts and loses color as it died.

"W-what? What just happened?" I ask him.

"I did that. I didn't have to think about it, I just did it. It's The Third Eye. I can do more than that. I can hear what people think and know what they are going to say before they even say it. I can even alter their moods and characteristics." He tells me.

"C'mon, that is-" he cuts me off bu finishing my sentence.

"-A bit much, don't you think?" He finishes. Guess he is right.

"Well, how can you change their moods?" He looks at me and I start to feel especially happy. "I feel so giggly. Hahaha. Hahahahahahaha." Then I start to feel angry. "I...I feel so pissed off. Stop please." I then return to normal. "Dude, what the hell? That is...scary almost."

"You don't say Kyle." He saids. "It's kinda scary to know that you can alter reality by not putting much effort into it. I would explain, but I can't." Before I can ask, he silences me. "There are things that if  you where to know, it would break your grasp on reality. For now, this stays between us, okay?"

I nod and walk on with him, heading back to Sayori's house. I glance at him occasionally. I'm worried about him. So much has changed within him, it is almost scary to think about. He really is reborn, but I don't know what will happen to him in the future.

Thinking about his future reminded me of my own. Me and Monika have been having a great time together, and I still am suprised that she is with me. I truly am grateful to be with her. All I hope is that Sebastian is happy with Sayori.

We finally reach Sayori's house. "Kyle, I know why we are here." He saids. I look at him.

"At least pretend to be excited." I tell him. He nods and we enter.

"SUPRISE!!" The girls shout. Sebastian acts suprised, like expected. I watch him try to express joy, but I can't tell if he is actually happy or not. Whatever. This is for him, so I won't go to deep into thought about it.

* * *

After about 2 hours of celebrating, everyone is knocked out cold. I'm the only one still up, due to the circumstances that has happened today. I can't really tell anyone about it. Out of all the things that has happened in my life, I never actually expected it to get this far.

_If the gun didn't misfire, I wouldn't be here, being happy with people I love._

That thought scares me. "I need to get out of here." I think to myself. I walk out the front door and walk down the street. The sun is setting, but it still is lit enough for me to walk to the backside, where I can rest my thoughts there. The sky is a mixture of cloudy and sunset, making the sky have a light orange glow to it.

It doesn't take me long to reach the beach. It feels so...peaceful out here. The cool, salty breeze blowing across my face is soothing. I had always enjoyed this: walking on the beach at sunset. No one else is here for the time being, so it is nice.

I can feel tears fall from my face. I have so much pressure build up that it is impossible to keep it in. I'm so happy that I am alive, but also scared. I never expected to get this far in life. I had always planned that my depression would hospitalize me fo the point that I would have to be numbed to the pain, or I expected that I would have killed myself. Considering that one of those things almost happened, I couldn't be more thankful.

  _God, thank you for giving me the chance to live. I can't believe that my life has went in the direction it has in previous months, but I still am pleased with it every single day. For that, I thank you._

I wipe the tears off my face and start to walk back home. Home to friends that care for my well being. Home to the love of my life that I will be forever grateful for being with. Home to my best friend that will make sure everyone else is safe. 

It is weird what life has in store for you, so don't waste it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is were I end this. Honestly, I am mixed on how this story went, and a bit disappointed in myself. There are so many things that I could have done to have made this better, but I never did. Anyways, I would like to know what you guys think about this. Thanks for reading.


End file.
